Monday, March 30, 2009

Bring on the Gold

The Holiday Inn banquet hall has been reserved. A fleet of 20 year old waiters have donned their black polyester pants, soiled tuxedo shirts, and clip-on ties. They are ready to assist you on your trip to the buffet. Fatty prime-rib, chicken cacciatore, and baked ziti awaits. The smarmy DJ is standing by, ready to kick this party into high gear. Prepare to chicken dance, electric slide, and YMCA your way into the wee hours of the night. The watery drinks will be flowing! This is going to be one helluva 50th Blog-Post party! Have fun everybody! If you can’t find me, I’ll be in the alley smoking a joint with the waiters.

OK, wait. All joking aside, I must admit that reaching post #50 has me feeling a bit reflective. Many of you have been blogging away for years now and 50 probably seems like a pretty measly milestone. But I am rather amazed to have made it this long. My intentions for this blog are clearly stated (over there under my fake name). Of course, there are a few other reasons I haven’t told you about. While I am not willing to completely spill my guts here, a few special toasts are in order. I raise my glass to Acadamnit readers for the following:

Indulging my juvenile sense of humor: While I (brace yourself) actually take my job quite seriously, I have no interest in bringing such seriousness to my blog. I have decidedly refused to address what can generally be considered “important issues” in the academic workplace. I pose no serious political or pedagogical questions and offer no opinions or advice. It is not because I am unaware or do not care. There are numerous thoughtful bloggers out there providing this content and I spend enough time at work thinking about such things. So, thanks for not getting all high-minded on me.

Giving me the chance to retake College Composition: Throughout high school and college I was a miserable failure at any assignment that required creative writing. College composition was a nightmare and I barely pulled a B. Let me just apologize right now to all of my past teachers who assigned any writing task that I could not construct as a journal article. Holy shit, I made you read some crap. This obviously begs the question of how I ended up starting a blog. It was pretty simple. I started writing mock documents to amuse myself. You know, fake annual self-assessments and letters to journal editors. I would crack myself up and then push delete. I just switched the delete button with “post” and this blog was born. It now amazes me that I strongly suspect some of you teach these very classes. So, thanks for setting aside your red pens and allowing me to type at you.

Verifying sanity: I have never doubted that the stupid shit I write about comprise ubiquitous sources of frustration in academic contexts. Who doesn’t work with this person, or this one, or hasn’t had any of these (A, B, C) in class? (fuck, don’t get me started on these people) But it is still deeply satisfying to verify that we are all dealing with similar crap.
So, here’s to not getting fired! Thanks everyone.

18 comments:

  1. Congratulations, dear Dr. No! Fab 50, wow. Cheers! I'm bringing a gift to your party: a commemorative plaque that says "Herkytastic Blogger." Thanks for making the academic blogosphere so delightful. You rock.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Congrats, good Doctor! Your posts are the finest in edutainment and never cease to inspire me (to not drop out and pursue a doctorate). Here's to another fifty!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Well done Dr. No! Your post is brilliant!

    See you at the party for sure. I will be the one who thinks dancing from my plastic seat to the dancefloor with a my teeth out over my bottom lip (instead of walking calmly) looks attractive. I have a mean robot.

    BTW, being an Aussie (pronounced 'Ozzie', can you spread that around?), I had never heard of ziti or herkies. I am now wondering whether I could combine them somehow. Any ideas?

    ReplyDelete
  4. A toast to Dr. No's 50th posting:

    May your feet never sweat,
    your neighbor give you ne're a threat.
    When flowers bloom, I hope you'll not sneeze,
    and may you always have someone to squeeze!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I just did a herky for you in my office, knocking over a stack of textbook exam copies and snagging my shoe on my cheaply-made graduation robe that hangs on a hook all year.

    Your posts are awesome. Not only do you have 50 of them, but they are clever and funny and ballsy. I hereby give you an honorary A in English Composition. You can wear it the way the cowardly lion wears his medal of courage.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Geez, I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy. Thanks everybody, I mean a herky plaque, a toast, robot dancing, office herkies, an honorary A!?! This party far exceeds my expectations.

    Oh, and Hopeful: hmm...a ziti herky combo, I'm going to have to think about that a little longer.

    ReplyDelete
  7. The big Five Oh. w00t! Does this call for a promotion to Associate Acadamnit?

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hi Anonymous- more on the Associate Acadamnit coming soon (but if it comes with a raise, I'm all for it).

    ReplyDelete
  9. Nice content and thoughts in your blog. I have just voted for your blog in blogger choice wards. I have just voted for your blog. http://bloggerschoiceawards.com/blogs/show/69551/?utm_source=bloggerschoiceawards&utm_medium=badge&utm_content=bestblogaboutblogging Please vote for me also, if you like. My blog will help you in search engine optimization; make money online and more traffic to your sites. Visit, comment and follow my blog also please.
    http://businessvartha.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  10. In response to Academic Hopeful, I've got a baked ziti and herky combo for you: when one performs a herky stoned (i.e. "baked"), it shall now be called "pulling a ziti"

    ReplyDelete
  11. Thank you so much for doing the blogging meme! Fab, just fab. And I have to tell you how much I love "smart-assery" (a new word is born).

    And now I have a little surprise for you: someone kindly nominated my blog for something and I thought I'd pay it forward.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Update: I think "Gentleman RM" is actually pulling a ziti, not a herky.

    WOW Ink, Thanks! And please tell us what your blog is nominated for so I can go stack the vote.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Another Update (I'll get back to work in a minute, I PROMISE): Ink is nominated for 2 (yes TWO) blog awards, CONGRATULATIONS!

    ReplyDelete
  14. 1. Aw, thanks.

    2. If anyone is pulling a ziti, it's got to be Green Machine! Check out those vacant red eyes! Although the ziti theory would explain why Gentleman RM is so smiley. Hmmmm. Methinks more data needs to be collected.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I think they might all be pulling zitis. Leotard Gal is about to burst into the giggles, the Green Machine moniker now has an entirely new meaning, and what is Miss Priss doing out there? I see no signs of a game going on, or the rest of her squad...

    ReplyDelete
  16. I have just caught up on all this "pulling ziti" business and have been slapping my thigh laughing.

    I think I can explain the Miss Priss mystery: she's not jumping at all. A rival ziti-puller got paranoid and jealous. She's been suspended from the goal posts and had her hands and feet superglued together. Her hair has been cleverly arranged to hide the harness.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Dr. No, good call on the blankness of the environment...she might be a practioner of that late Victorian "herky for herky's sake" movement. Unless Academic is right and she's actually being punished by a jealous cheertator!

    ReplyDelete
  18. I am sorry I am so late to your party, I was away in a far away land, and I wanted to tell you that I love you!!!!!!!!@%#@

    You help indulge my juvenile sense of humor, which I'm usually incapable of doing for myself in blog-form.

    ReplyDelete