Friday, March 27, 2009

ATTN: University Website Designer

That smiling chick on right side of the homepage is pissing me off. I want to puke when I see that shockingly diverse array of students who appear to be reading a book together in the library. And those well dressed students pictured in the Union? Where the hell did you find them? And why do they appear to be holding trays of appetizing food? These pictures have been up for fucking forever. Replace them with even more ridiculous photos please. I don’t care. Familiarity has led me to hate these people, I have given them each derogatory, profanity-laden names and back stories. They really just piss me off. I can’t be the only one sick of their shit-eating grins. Give me some new people to slowly despise.

22 comments:

  1. And what the fuck is the culturally diverse group by the library laughing at? Why are the students, in full lab protection body armor, measuring what appears to be Gatorade in graduated cylinders on the Chemistry department page? Why does everyone appear to be so happy to be studying outside on a sunny day?

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  2. Maybe they're so happy because they are just *pretending* to study...

    And the trays of appetizing food? Those come out for two phases only: (1) Photo Ops and (2) Parent's Weekends.

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  3. Nothing says "SCIENCE" like measuring colored fluids (or a bunch of athletic types building robots).

    I'm not sure the appetizing food is even available within a 100 mile radius of campus.

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  4. True story: Film crew came to my undergrad campus to get some footage on sciency-education stuff. They turned up during the lab I was TA-ing thinking that they could just catch some students getting their science groove on. Wasn't good enough. They interrupted the lab to ask if they could get the most attractive students beside the window, and some bigger flasks, and can they use those cooler looking gadgets over there? (No.)

    Also, don't you have any kind of dye we can put in the water that they're pipeting into flasks while they hold them over their heads and look thoughtful? (Also, No.)

    And FYI, I've trained them NOT to hold flask over their heads (ever) especially while transferring liquids because guess what happens when they spill it?

    *Arrrrrgh! Acid burns!!!!!! All over my face!!!!*

    That would have made for some pretty sensational science footage I guess. Way more exciting than moving colored liquids back and forth.

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  5. they're pretending to study as much as the tenured profs are pretending to work.

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  6. I think that the proper motivation for changing the pics is a fast-and-furious change in clothing trends. As soon as the wardrobes depicted by the current annoying pictures become culturally outdated, the administration will be forced to change the pictures because no self-respecting prospective college student would ever consider going to a school where the students were so unhip as to wear jeans.

    Anybody with me on bringing back the leisure suit?

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  7. She ( http://law.fordham.edu/rd/images/Admissions/adm-sidebar_01.jpg ) is my all-time least favorite school-website student. She is the guardian of the online status checker, so every time a potential student anxiously comes to see if he has been admitted there, she is lurking. What is she doing? Is she an enrolled student there to give us a taste of the delight we may experience if we are accepted? Or is she a fellow applicant, stuck in limbo with us? Is she checking her status? She does seem very intent. Has she been accepted? She looks a little somber for that, but neither are there the budding tears of rejection in her eyes. Is status checking a formal event for her? Why is she wearing pearls? Does she have her computer on an airline fold-out table, and if so, is she flying to Scotland? That would explain why she insists on hanging up her clan tartan behind her before she checks her status. I hate her and hope that if I ever visit again, the picture will be one of her sobbing, with a rejection letter in her hand.

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  8. She's atrocious! (nice fucking tartan curtain, and nice product placement Dell) OK, I think I'll have to replace "Greatest Moments in Herkies" with a compilation of University website assholes.

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  9. No! Not the herkies! What have I done?

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  10. Only AFTER the herkies pictures stop making me laugh!

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  11. Those really are impressive herkies in those photos.

    My cc website is pretty lame, but at least there is a picture of someone surfing (waves, not the Internet), which seems more realistic that happy studying or fake beakers.

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  12. Good Enough, I hate to ask...but could you strap that cheerleading skirt to your thigh and start some herkies for Zona? It's not looking good. The team needs you.

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  13. Dear Anonymous, I didn't mean that students only pretend to study...I meant that the students in the picture are posing for a picture and therefore just pretending to study in that instance. And I know that can happen because (cringing) I actually was on the cover of a university brochure once.

    Dr. No, I can't tell what makes me laugh harder about the first picture...the herky part or the leotard part.

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  14. Ooh, we should vote on our favorite herky pics! Mine is, without question, The RM Man, doing a textbook-perfect herky and looking so happy about it. Maybe even smug, now that I look at it again. Still, he has my vote.

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  15. Dear Ink,
    I meant that tenured profs are always posed near a blackboard writing some blithering shit of grandness, with some hard thunking face, or with students posed around a lab bench in a facade of educationizing.

    Acadamnit... ARIZONA IS UP SHIT CREEK WITHOUT A PADDLE!

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  16. At least the web gurus are trying to use real students instead of models or those gawdawful clipart packages with the same 3 people in 387 poses, none of which are actually on your campus.

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  17. Dear Anonymous: Yeah, I realized that after I wrote my regrettable confession about pretend-study posing (and now I further embarrass myself by calling myself a poser).

    You're funny!

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  18. I agree with Ink; it is the RM gentleman who has my herkie heart. Not only do I bask in his beatific glow, but I admire him for showing that the herkie has no gender barrier. The black and white just makes it classier.

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