Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Flog Bost

This is bad. There is no way around it. No possible way of denying it. Nope. Fuck, I suck. OK, let’s approach this scientifically. Perhaps I missed something… Here’s what I know. You missed the first day of class. You arrived on the second meeting. I didn’t bring my official class list, you introduced yourself as R.J. and explained your previous absence. I made a mental note: His name is RJ, remember that damnit! [Flash-forward, Lost-style to many weeks ahead] You have established yourself as a great student. I make a mental note: RJ is a thoughtful student, be sure to encourage RJ to participate in class discussions more. [Flash-forward to many, many weeks ahead] We discussed meeting to talk about your final project after class. We set up a time. I made a mental note: Meeting with RJ on Friday at 1:00.

[We are now back in the present, Lost-style] I realize I have another meeting Friday at 1:00. I make a mental note: Email RJ, apologize for cancelling and set up a new time to meet. I attempt look up your email address. Mental note: I have no clue what RJ’s last name is, damn. I attempt look up your email address by going to handy-dandy giant University clusterfuck administrative system by accessing my class list. Hhm. There is no one here with a name that could possibly be RJ. I examine the entire list, there is only one name that I do not recognize. It does not, in any fathomable way, contain any combination of words or letters that could possibly be shortened to RJ. Mental note: Whaaaaaat? I took a chance. I emailed mystery person (making no reference to names). I received a response.

[Flashback, Lost-style] Hi Dr. No, my name is *giant explosion* (….wait 5 episodes) C.T., sorry I missed the first class. [Back to the quasi-present] I stare at your pleasant, good student-like, email response. I make a mental note: I am an asshole. How many times did I call you RJ? Many. I am making a mental note: I am an asshole, or this guy is Benjamin Linus. Upon scientifically reviewing the sequence of events, the conclusion is evident: I am an asshole.


  1. "I am an asshole, or this guy is Benjamin Linus."

    Goodness, I hope, and I mean this quite kindly my dear Dr. No, that you ARE an asshole. Having Benjamin Linus in your class would be quite disconcerting, and potentially deadly;-)

    [FYI: you are welcome to join the weekly Lost party at my house tonight---pizza, wine, and leftover Guinness brownies from St. Paddy's Day]

  2. Either that or RJ/CT is totally fucking with you with the express purpose of driving you insane. Why else wouldn't CT just correct you the first time you called him RJ? Maybe he thought you had bestowed him with a nickname?

    I have cousins (who are identical twins) who take great pleasure in switching their names for all the extended family at reunions and other such functions (where we see them about once a year)...but they do it randomly, so that half the people there have it right and the other half are calling them by the other's name. It's funny but nearly impossible, so we've since resorting to calling them "Hey you!"

  3. I know! Why the hell didn't he correct me? We had actual one on one conversations, fuck, its the jillionth week into the semester!

    Lost party? Save me a brownie.

  4. Aw, it was a good post -- I just, you know, don't have a clue who Benjamin Linus is.

    @annieem: is it more dangerous to have Benjamin Linus in your class, or to not recognize him if he walks up to you?

  5. Ah, Benjamin Linus is a master at manipulation, so it probably doesn't matter whether you recognize him or not.

    But just in case, here he is.

  6. I made a similar move recently. Student named Ashley emailed me multiple times, I said to come find me in the lab on a particular day. Well, I saw this guy sitting out in the hall for at least 20 minutes on that day as I ran around to various rooms. Finally I asked him if he was "LOST" and he said "I'm Ashley and you looked busy" - oops. Sign me up for asshole class with you. will bring brownies.

  7. annieem -- he looks so harmless! o_O I bet that's one of his tricks...

  8. Well, if he introduces himself as RJ, then what's a professor to do?

    Actually, you did a nice job of remembering the name you were given, so I say kudos!

  9. Dr. No., I hope this isn't reflective of me being a student under the old school ritual ordeal model, but you're not an asshole. I appreciate your learner-centered approach (very 90s of you!), but in the big picture, it was up to him to be more assertive early on. Besides, you sent him an change of meeting email - you're clearly v considerate.