We call you that because you are old. Not really old per se, but older than your average 20ish or so college student. Some of you are normal people. For whatever reason, you decided that a career change was in order. So you sacked up and went to (or back to) college. That’s cool. I respect that. Some of you are lazy fucking assholes. Apparently you went to school so you could continue your lifelong habit of shirking responsibility, not completing your work, and thinking that you know everything because you love the fucking Discovery Channel. Really? You saw a show? Yes, please interrupt class to tell us all about it, AGAIN. Because you know, that’s how I earned a PhD. (I just watched TV. My concentration was the National Geographic Channel, I logged over 67,000 hours worth.) How does someone your age still think they can ditch class, skip assignments and not study and get away with it? No, I will not just give you a good grade because we are roughly the same age. The dude sitting next to you is 19. He appears hungover most days, this class fulfills a general requirement for him and he couldn’t care less about the topic. But you know what? He drags his hungover ass to class most days, seems to read his textbook sporadically, and has a solid fucking B. You have a D. Turn to your left and look at him. He (as rumpled, sleepy and non-interested as he is) is kicking your ass. He deserves his B. Given the circumstances, he’s happy with a B and I’m happy with a B. You however, are unhappy with your D, and so am I. There is nothing I can do. I was never invited to the secret age club; wherein one learns the secret handshake that makes me grade your exam based on the percentage of wrong answers as opposed to right. Nope, never invited.I find this embarrassing. You should really feel lousy about this. Why don’t you? I should be your peer, we should be putting equal effort into each other. Your excuses are not only lame (your neighbor dude could give you better ones), they are insulting. We listened to the same stupid music in high school, laughed at the same movies, probably did the same stupid shit to the cuffs of our jeans. Yet you are telling me the due date wasn’t clear? That you really did study? That you overslept? Huh? Are you serious? You represent the worst of a “Traditional” student. You are not Non-Traditional. You are every negative stereotype of a regular old lazy college student, you embody the pure essence of the most immature, irresponsible college cliché ever to grace college humor. Damn. We are both too old for this.
Superb post. (You know what's coming...wait for it...am starrifying it immediately!)
ReplyDeleteI too am disgruntled when someone pulls the "C'mon Now, We're Of An Era" attitude(which is often prefaced by them being the first/only person in the class to call me by my first name suddenly, as if we are old pals and I invited them to do so). Roar!
I never knew such people existed. Shouldn't mature students be more, well... mature?
ReplyDeleteReally Gorilla? They are the older people who saw Koko on TV and incessantly ask you about your little white kitten...
ReplyDeleteThe average age of students at my undergrad institution was 28. It was an unusual environment (though, since it was my only experience with college, didn't seem unusual at the time). It became abundantly clear that "life experience" didn't always translate into a burning quest for knowledge. Overall, though, I would say it was more interesting to have "non-traditional" folk around than just 18-21 year olds.
ReplyDeleteAny non-trads readings this? If so, you probably stopped long before getting to the comments. Or, are here to tell me to fuck off. But GayProf has a point, in fact non-trads can often add a much needed dose of life experience and perspective to a class (particularly in discussions). Some non-trads however, well, I've said my piece.
ReplyDeleteMy undergrad's most infamous non-traditional was a 48-year-old guy who came back to study physics. And by "physics" I mean "his 'peer' freshman girls at frat parties." He was all about using his frat membership to score with eighteen-year-olds and the frat was happy to have him for the notoriety. Creepiest symbiosis I've ever seen.
ReplyDeleteEeewwww! (put that in 28 point font, bold, underlined and italicized)
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ReplyDeletehaha! i like your style
ReplyDeletei knew one of these guys in college - he was an ex-marine who went back to prove something. drove the same mustard colored mustang 5.0 he had in high school (older 3rd generation style) - 'bout 275 and balding - lived in the dorms, he bought us booze and showed up at all the parties, started dating a 19 year old, wanted to get us all in the gym with him... it got a little creepy. but the funniest thing was, in class he always tried to be the class clown - and everyone just kind of sat their awkwardly and he'd slap the others around him on the back and laugh at himself... i'm sure he was drunk.
he had a great time