Snake eyes, bedroom eyes, the evil eye… conference eyes. What are conference eyes? We’ve all given them and we’ve all received them. They are the furtive glances we give each other at conferences. More accurately they are the looks we give each other’s nametags.Students are attempting to spot “celebrities” (look for them at the bar), the suckups are attempting to determine who is and is not worth talking to, some are just desperately trying to get a glimpse at your name (because we forgot it, and damnit your abstract book is in the way and any minute now you are going to notice me and want to chit chat and I am going to feel like an asshole because all I remember and can see of your name is “G”…George? Gabe? Fuck). Some are entertaining themselves by playing “match the author” games. Which is the conference equivalent of analyzing the book and film versions of beloved and/or despised characters (this is particularly entertaining in crowded elevators). Whatever the purpose, the nonstop glancing at chests (if we are dealing with the lanyard variety nametag) or at lapels (pin-on variety nametag) is a widely recognized phenomenon. It is unavoidable. However, may I suggest that we all abandon our nametags and stop with all the conference eyeballing as soon as the last paper for the day is given? Must we flood the bars, restaurants, and city streets with our nerd badges? Once we have escaped the confines of the conference center it is time to put that shit away.
Maybe we can rig the name tags with small explosives that detonate if they are taken 100 feet outside of the conference hotel.
ReplyDeleteI already put this same comment in twice and fear that typing it in again shows some kind of obsessive disorder...but I really wanted to say this!
ReplyDeleteIndeed! Instantly noticed and recoiled from that eye phenomenon at my first conference.
Among other things.
And at subsequent conferences.
If you see someone walking around sans nametag, that would be me. I never wear a nametag!
ReplyDeleteHow about random placement of nametags, on shoes, socks, hip, thigh? The men already run their eyes up and down me so it'll force them to stare at something other than my tits for once. And if their precious little eyeballs hover on my tits rather than my nametag, then frickin laser beams from my frickin nametag get activated to cut their frickin bodies in half - mmmwaaaa ha ha.
ReplyDeleteYou know, if they didn't put schools under our names on nametags, it would eliminate about 90% of the Judgey McJudgments (I leave the remaining 10% to indicate those who will immediately refer to the program to determine affiliation anyway).
ReplyDeleteOh, anonymous: what a wild idea;-)
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree with Ink: for most of us who are not instantly recognizable as being famous by our names, the institution is what folks are looking at. Community college profs at national conventions have noted the eyes pivoted then sliding quickly away for decades.(Plus, since cc's often have longish names, they tend to take over the damned tags as it is).
Get into a decently full elevator. Work your way in to the pack, obstructing part of your name tag with whatever you have handy (lanyard: books and the ubiquitous tote bag; lapel: shoulder strap of your real bag). Shamelessly eyeball the tags of several people around you, the snobbier looking, the better. Carefully and deliberately take your tag off, and tuck it into your lapel pocket (best); open your handbag (preferably one that is semi-unaffordable, e.g. new Coach) and drop it in. The occupants of the elevator will have been straining to see it. Study your conference program and circle things, also concealing this. Get off the elevator as if you are in no hurry. Freaks them out every time. Not recommended if you might be interviewed by these people in the forseeable future.
ReplyDeleteInteresting suggestions (I am partial to the mini-explosive, or those things they put in shopping carts that make the wheels lock- could those be added?)
ReplyDeleteI propose a challenge: Next conference you attend try a few of the above suggestions. No tag, random placement of tag (ass), deliberate tag removal...altered tag, switched tag, anything you can thing of tag, and then we'll swap tag adventure stories!
It's not just the name that should be remembered but what you are about. NameTag.ME gives you lots of ideas about what to put on nametags.
ReplyDeleteMark, that is great.
ReplyDeleteCan you imagine a hotel full of presenters with a "fun fact" listed beneath their name? It would be the best conference eye action ever.