Sunday, March 1, 2009

Yep, I am Going THERE

You leave me no choice, I have to go there. If you are thinking: Where, where are we going Dr. No? Will it be fun? Should I pack a bag? Is sunscreen necessary? Should I cancel my classes? The answer, I am sorry to say, is no, no, no, and sure- why the hell not. We are going to a frightening place, a juvenile place, the kind of place where humor abounds for 12 year olds. A place where adults with graduate degrees should not go. Yet, I have to go there. Visiting Dr. Package made me go there. He made me and everyone else in attendance at his guest lecture go there, and now I am going to make you go there too. At first I resisted, but he refused to park himself safely behind the podium. He circled the room, essentially tossing us all free plane tickets to a troubling place. The destination? His package. And yes, I mean that package. His jeans were tight and were pulled up about three inches too high. This caused the contours of his “frank and beans” to be not only visible but uncomfortably prominent. Blah, blah, blah…as you can see from this slide (Penis)…blah, blah, my analysis indicates (Balls)…blah, blah, blah (Crotch). Whoa. It was as if an invisible rubber band was placed on the outside of his jeans encircling his junk. Afterwards, as the usual “stand in the hall and chit-chat about the talk” was underway we all awkwardly discussed the presentation. Someone finally mumbled “interesting pants” and we all broke out into giggles that lasted far, far too long. We’ve all seen some interesting fashion choices, but this was, well, I don’t know what it was (OK, I know exactly what it was…). I think in the future he should just put a scrunchie over his jeans and around his package, it would be a more formal look for public speaking.

14 comments:

  1. So I assume his pecs and abs were not so clearly outlined and thus adding to the package, so to speak?

    Thanks for the momentary trip, Dr. No. I'm clearly in the mood for a giggle.

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  2. I just spit water all over my stats homework. Toooo funny.

    I thought it was rough sitting through a physics lecture last semester when my professor decided to wear a kilt in celebration for halloween....

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  3. LOL scrunchy! *eyeliner smudged thankyouverymuch*

    I spotted one of my profs at the grocery store wearing his YELLOW bike spandex. Scary shit. OW MY EYES, MY EYES. I couldn't look at him for years without thinking of his junk in the front. ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

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  4. And not a one of you had a cell phone with a camera? For shame.

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  5. One of the profs down the hall from my old lab loved running. I mean, loved it. He had a knack for coming back from a run on Friday afternoon, during beer hour, and hanging out in the lounge while we all tried our best to drink our beer & ignore the tiny, tiny running shorts on his wizened, hairy, old white dude frame. Eeeeeeeew.

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  6. At your speaker was wearing pants. It could have been far worse!

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  7. Ah, the old lunchbox or cut lunch fiasco. Nice one. Dr. No. The last time a stunt such as this was pulled on me, the Prof also repeatedly arched his back and pushed his hips forward (with one hand behind back) as part of his "I am so smart that I can just relax through this" approach.

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  8. Well, at least he wasn't fondling it during the presentation.

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  9. This was hilarious, and I especially appreciated Prof-like Substance's linkback to his post about the camisole- and kilt-wearing junk displayer. That one cracked my shit up, too.

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  10. Holy shit, I had no idea this was such a widespread (bad pun intended) phenomenon! Prof-like's example MUST be clicked upon...too funny.

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  11. All too common. And one wonders what these guys are thinking?

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  12. Oh, wow. Haha, that's excellent. It puts me in mind of the time when I was sitting in the front row of US history survey listening raptly to the lecture (no really) and the professor, standing right in front of me, perhaps two feet away, casually reached into his pants, adjusted himself, and (taking note of my dropped jaw) casually pulled his hand right back out of his pants.

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  13. I think this guy just wanted his junk to be the center of attention. Nothing wrong with a little pride--as long as his pants weren't cutting off circulation.

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