Sunday, March 1, 2009
You leave me no choice, I have to go there. If you are thinking: Where, where are we going Dr. No? Will it be fun? Should I pack a bag? Is sunscreen necessary? Should I cancel my classes? The answer, I am sorry to say, is no, no, no, and sure- why the hell not. We are going to a frightening place, a juvenile place, the kind of place where humor abounds for 12 year olds. A place where adults with graduate degrees should not go. Yet, I have to go there. Visiting Dr. Package made me go there. He made me and everyone else in attendance at his guest lecture go there, and now I am going to make you go there too. At first I resisted, but he refused to park himself safely behind the podium. He circled the room, essentially tossing us all free plane tickets to a troubling place. The destination? His package. And yes, I mean that package. His jeans were tight and were pulled up about three inches too high. This caused the contours of his “frank and beans” to be not only visible but uncomfortably prominent. Blah, blah, blah…as you can see from this slide (Penis)…blah, blah, my analysis indicates (Balls)…blah, blah, blah (Crotch). Whoa. It was as if an invisible rubber band was placed on the outside of his jeans encircling his junk. Afterwards, as the usual “stand in the hall and chit-chat about the talk” was underway we all awkwardly discussed the presentation. Someone finally mumbled “interesting pants” and we all broke out into giggles that lasted far, far too long. We’ve all seen some interesting fashion choices, but this was, well, I don’t know what it was (OK, I know exactly what it was…). I think in the future he should just put a scrunchie over his jeans and around his package, it would be a more formal look for public speaking.