Thursday, April 2, 2009

Fucking Weirdo

I just had to spend three hours with a fucking weirdo. I am sure all disciplines have their own version of the weirdos. I am not referring to your average run-of-the-mill weirdo we have all encountered. Forget about the hotel weirdos, door-knocking religious weirdos, and your typical weirdo student. I am referring to the weirdos in your discipline. They comprise about 5% (upon further reflection, make that 10%) of your field. Whatever it is that you do, these weirdos take things into the bizarre realm. They represent a cartoonish version of your field’s worst stereotype. They, without fail, dress bizarrely. They also write things that get published somewhere on the outer fringes of your fields literature universe. They garner some degree of press for their writings because they are outrageous and some science reporter somewhere thinks it will make an interesting story. In graduate school their weirdoness was disguised as creativity, they showed promise and got jobs. They still have those jobs, they do publish and teach after all, but they have morphed into complete weirdos.

One came to visit my department. Weirdo would not leave. I am losing all tolerance for these people. I mean, whatever. Go ahead and spin your bizarro ideas. I am just going to sit here because I know that the fundamental fallacies on which your ideas are based are just wrong. I am happy to entertain different perspectives, but you are just wackadoodle nuts. The funny thing is we share a little something in common. There is no doubt in my mind that you have a website or blog. It is certainly devoted to even more extreme wackadoodle ideas. These ideas are so extreme that they fall well outside of our discipline. No doubt you run this operation anonymously. Shit, me too! Well, not the weirdo wackadoddle stuff, but the anonymous part? Yep. I realized this after 180 minutes, 52 non-committal head nods, 27 “hhhmms” and 15 solid minutes of staring at the carpet. It’s troubling me that we have this in common.

21 comments:

  1. Are you sure that's all you have in common? Why don't you send your brain down this path: Am I jealous of Weirdo? Why do I want Weirdo not to succeed? Why am I being so mean-spirited about him and his enjoyment of academia and blogland? Are we linked in some way? Do I see myself in him? Do we have the same negative features?

    And then (after asking loads more people for reassurance) come back full circle and start being empowered by your choices and different identity! Do it! Please! It would be so much more feminine of you and make my afternoon more interesting.

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  2. I know one of these. He wears a patent leather hip sack that jingles curiously, and once farted in the elevator and laughed.

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  3. Oh come on Dr. No...April Fool's Day was yesterday. And besides, you're not fooling anyone with this post - we all know that you're the weirdo anyway. Nice try though.

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  4. I know one of these. He has grand arguments with himself out loud. He does this even when he doesn't know anyone is listening or watching, so it's not even just for SHOW. And he is a very, very close talker. Along with the other extreme traits related to my discipline.

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  5. Not that close talking is specific to my discipline. But you know what I mean. Right?

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  6. I can't help really wanting to see that whackadoodle blog now...

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  7. In my field, weirdos are labeled "Eminent Scholars" and they make up about 50%. Don't feed them at night.

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  8. Some people are anonymous because it gives them an air of mystery and mystique or so they can say the things everyone else is thinking but is too socialized to say. Some people are anonymous because if they actually attached their names to their ravings, they'd be on a government list...or called a whackadoodle on some other person's blog.

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  9. DAMNIT! My jig is up! I feel so exposed. Welcome to whackadoodleville. "Acadamnit" is actually a very clever acronym for my favorite government conspiracy theory. SSshhhhhh! Don't tell!

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  10. Nah, I'm not buying it. The weirdo who maintains the whackadoodle site you imagine in your post wouldn't be aware that it's all whackadoodle because he's so, um, whack.

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  11. I know that the Association of Cognitive Agent Development and Administrative Mental Ninja Interpretive Taskforce (A.C.A.D.A.M.N.I.T.) has been tainting the world Cheeto supply with neuroprocessors and selling our identities to aliens. SSssshhhhh.

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  12. Yikes! That activity is decidedly not "The Cheesiest."

    (Nice acronym, btw...the inclusion of "ninja" makes anything that much better, I always say.)

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  13. Dr. No,You are more of a mentalist than I had suspected. Love it.

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  14. Hmm...apparently I'll need to learn to actually match my clothes at some point. Is there a formula?

    Meanwhile, I'll just wear all black and grey and blue. Does dressing like a bruise make you a weirdo?

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  15. Hey Toaster, bruisewear is fine (although to counteract the cheeto delivered tracking devices, you have to wear sandals with white socks)

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  16. Dang. I knew I shoulda called my blog whackadoodleshit. Dang. another opportunity missed.

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  17. Dr. No, there's a surprise for you on my blog. You know, since the Marshall gig didn't come with badges...

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  18. The one I'm thinking of (while publishing incredibly well) has a napoleon complex, reminds me a little of Smigel from Lord of the Rings and wore a dashiki when he gave a talk at the last conference I saw him at.

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  19. HAHAHAHHA I know what you mean.

    HEAPS of people at my university are (surprisingly) weirdos, especially the old professors.

    But who can we blame, if there is a need? Blame society, somewhat us, for not socialising with them in their younger learning years!

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