Sunday, February 7, 2010
Well golly Mr. Fake journal editor! I’m so flattered you want me to write an article for you! As you so kindly mentioned in your email, I AM up to all fucking kinds of FASCINATING NEW research! Which would you prefer, my ramblings on late-night scotch and chocolate consumption (now known as “scotcholate”) or my stream of consciousness 5.8 million word piece on how fucking tired I am of cold ass weather? Both accurately reflect the FASCINATING NEW research I’ve been up to! I’ll get them in the mail ASAP so you can send them off to your fake reviewers and I can add these fine articles to my fake vita. This is just fabulous really. I wanted to spend my sabbatical exploring some “new areas” so to speak (Ha! I probably said that in my sabbatical request! Total BS) and your publication of my FASCINATING NEW research will really help out my career! Fantastic. Oh, one quick question: how many finger paintings can I include with each manuscript?