Sunday, February 7, 2010

Re: Fauxmatting Guidelines

Well golly Mr. Fake journal editor! I’m so flattered you want me to write an article for you! As you so kindly mentioned in your email, I AM up to all fucking kinds of FASCINATING NEW research! Which would you prefer, my ramblings on late-night scotch and chocolate consumption (now known as “scotcholate”) or my stream of consciousness 5.8 million word piece on how fucking tired I am of cold ass weather? Both accurately reflect the FASCINATING NEW research I’ve been up to! I’ll get them in the mail ASAP so you can send them off to your fake reviewers and I can add these fine articles to my fake vita. This is just fabulous really. I wanted to spend my sabbatical exploring some “new areas” so to speak (Ha! I probably said that in my sabbatical request! Total BS) and your publication of my FASCINATING NEW research will really help out my career! Fantastic. Oh, one quick question: how many finger paintings can I include with each manuscript?

9 comments:

  1. At this exact moment (superbowl halftime), am I the only wondering if everyone under a certain age is thinking: Why are those old guys playing the CSI song? Recognizing this makes me feel old.

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  2. Why did no one tell me that The Who died ten years ago and we just witnessed the Weekend at Bernie's 4 trailer as a halftime show? Seriously, Janet Jackson did enough damage with her music, but now she has ushered in an era where the SB halftime show can't be performed by anyone relevant in this generation? Fuck!

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  3. Wow, so there are email scams specifically targeted at academics? What, are they banking on ego overpowering critical thinking?

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  4. Really? A fake journal soliciting your FASCINATING NEW research? Did they think you'd send them your checking account information as part of the submission process?

    ps: I'm just SO happy that the halftime show wasn't Bruce Springsteen again. Who hasn't been able to properly "rock" in 20 years.

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  5. Am I the only one already prepared to subscribe to any journal that publishes your scotcholate research?
    I'll write you a grant proposal so you can get cracking on longitudinal research.

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  6. Proflike, Comrade & Ink: I never thought I'd say it, but, next halftime show I'm going straight to the puppy bowl.

    Brian: That is exactly what they are hoping for, and it probably works.

    Naptime: Awesome! I'll send you the first reprint.

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  7. 快樂的微笑是保持生命康健的唯一藥石,它的價值千萬,卻不要花費一文錢 ..................................................

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