Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Todeigh At The Olympics

I’m still watching. I figure getting completely burnt out on sports I never watch is all part of the Olympic experience. What happened tonight? Well, some Swedish dude won a gold in x-country. Mary Carillo went sled-dogging. There was skiing, the visibility sucked. Lindsey Vonn crashed, Mancuso had to stop her run, she skied over to a crashed Vonn, it was weird. Then they made Mancuso re-run, she did, landed in 18th place, and then she cried while Vonn took off to get her hand x-rayed. The second run was canceled due to shit weather. Which, if you were watching this in primetime like me, suddenly explained why the night’s lineup seemed so lame- you take away the skiing and you’re left with more speedskating, some bobsleigh (that makes it sound more interesting) and some free style skiing aerials (fuck that sport needs a better name).

Speed skating offered the usual parade of ping-pong ball hats and 80s sunglasses but the Womens Relay was an impressive throwdown by South Korea. They beat China. Well, they beat them until the ref’s disqualified South Korea at which point they lost big time. The call was complete bullshit and the 10 minute monologue entitled “Who Paid This Ref?” that I yelled at the tv did not reverse this verdict. China won gold, Canada the silver, and the ‘Merican team won bronze (even though we were soooooo far behind we got lapped). Korea won damnit. With all the authority vested in me as an Olympic commentator, I award Korea the gold medal (if China refuses to give it up, Plushenko should give Korea his platinum). Moving on, bobsleigh was weigh boring. I saw the “too tall Jones” the “snowboard in space” and the “mom gets credit for the happy meal” commercials for the hundredth time. But the Olympic crowds are get rowdier (I suspect most of the bobsleigh crowd is weighsted) and the announcers are all running on fumes. It’s enough to keep me interested.

10 comments:

  1. Does anyone on the entire fucking planet really believe that fucking McDonald's commercial about how these athletes are totally eating chicken motherfucking mcnuggets in the motherfucking athletes' village? Seriously? A single two millisecond fucking glance at these physical specimens makes it clear that they aren't eating motherfucking chicken mcnuggets. (OK. Well maybe some of the snowboard stoners after a fatty.)

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  2. I was like NO WEIGH! when the Koreans got the speed skeight medal hijacked. The Korean skeighter blade got bumped by the Chinese person BEHIND HER who should have been DQ'd. But Heigh, there's nothing a little instant repleigh can't fix, or some cold hard cash on displeigh.

    The bobsleigh flip was nerve-wracking. When the rider got thrown out the back at 80mph, I was shocked to see her live another deigh.

    Stoopidest mascots ever. NOT o-keigh.
    jc

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  3. I'm sure the curlers (heh, curlers...) are allowed McD's as part of their rigorous fitness regime. I'm sure they get all Eddie Murphy on the rest of the athletes too. "I got McDonald's and you don't gooot noooone." At least, you know... until they respone "I got a siiiiiiixpaaack and you don't goooot ooooone."

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  4. "the 10 minute monologue entitled “Who Paid This Ref?” that I yelled at the tv did not reverse this verdict"

    Oh, man, I needed that this morning. LMAO!

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  5. I'd like to see a non-curling non-bobsleighing athlete win a medal and then light up a fatty and chug some of that special McNugget sauce. It'd be beautiful.

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  6. I'd like to see a non-curling non-bobsleighing athlete win a medal and then light up a fatty and chug some of that special McNugget sauce. It'd be beautiful.

    Didn't Michael Phelps already do that?

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  7. I forgot about that! How hilarious was it that the media acted like Phelps pulling a few bong hits was a travesty. Dude must have huge lungs- bet he took gold meadal winning pulls.

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  8. Hmmmmm. College hoops vs. figure skating. I'm so torn.

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  9. Scott's grunting on the jumps is seriously annoying.

    Long live the queen. And seeing Brian Orser happy makes me happy.
    jc

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  10. The DQs in speed skating have been ludicrous, and a rare kudos to NBC for firing up the footage of how freaking tactile that sport gets---legally---in other venues. Those f---ers all but shove each other off the ice in every other race; why are we DQing for "he fell on me and tried to pull me down so I flapped him off and now I'm *out*?!?!" Yeah, that's right. I double punctuated. Feel that strongly.
    (It's the beef fat in the chicken nuggets that make them appropriate for winter sports...building the blubber and all.)

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