Monday, February 15, 2010

MORE COWBELL!

Speed skating. I’ve been told a thousand times now (thanks NBC Olympic coverage) that it’s HUGE in the Netherlands. But you know where it’s NOT Huge? Here. Right here. Speed skating, much like trampoline jumping, ski jumping, and about 80% of all Olympic sports are sports I never watch. But right here, right now, I am getting a little bored with speed skating. It’s far too early for me to burn out on a sport. How many events are there? It is kinda interesting. They go really fast, it’s rather graceful when they are really cruising, it’s obviously difficult, there’s some interesting strategy going on with the passes, and they crash sometimes. These are all good reasons to enjoy speed skating, but I am rapidly losing interest.

Moguls. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Juuuuuuuuuuump. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch, Ouch. Juuuuuuuuuuump. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.

A thousand years ago…this blog would have DRAGONS! Fucking retarded. Yeah, I said retarded. Have you seen these stupid Olympic programming segments made by Dreamworks to promote some stupid dragon movie? Yes? Then you get what I’m saying. No? Trust me, it’s retarded.

Snowboard cross. This is pretty damn fun to watch! On a random note, I once signed up for half-day individual snowboard lesson. I showed up at the appointed place and discovered that my instructor was a student in one of my classes. Fortunately he was enjoying my class and I tried hard to be a good student. It was a good time, but it was weird. (That’s the kind of random factoid Bob Costas won’t provide you ladies and gentleman! )

I better get back to my Olympic viewing. Which goes better with pairs figure skating; scotch or grain alcohol?

16 comments:

  1. Scotch.


    I love the idea of you learning to snowboard from a student: in my part of the world, that's common, too. And thus: never gonna learn to snowboard, or cross country ski;-)

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  2. Thanks for the pairs figure skating heads up! WHAT was that Blue Danube Waltz just performed by a human-Valentine's card hybrid?

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  3. That was the beauty of SPORT Pander, geeez!
    Did you see the "clowns" last night? Motherfuck. Anniem, you sure about the scotch?

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  4. IMHO, grain alcohol. But it depends on taste.

    From my experience (tonight), pairs figure skating really quite sucks. No offense to the people who have spent their entire lives fighting to figure skate with partners in front of thousands of people, but really? The short program is much more interesting.

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  5. Clowns? I missed clowns? As someone who derives 60% of my Olympics joy from bizarre costuming and usage of illusion netting, I am devastated. You need to give me regular figure skating alerts so I can figure out when I need to monitor with my judging eye. It is the only thing I have until I am allowed to wear my rhinestoned bodysuit to class.

    P.S. Go China, that was awesome! Masterful use of triple-something-jumps and Swarovski crystals.

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  6. Check out the clowns folks. Up top there doing the whirly-gig thing.

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  7. I say grain alcohol. So that hopefully, you'll fall asleep before too long. Because pairs? And "ice dancing"? Yawwwwwwwwn.

    Can I just tell you how much I loved the mogul description? LMAO!

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  8. The clowns was indeed WTF? And today's skating was a bunch of ice-moppers. Did every ass personally smack the ice? Did someone break all the Zambonis at the speed skate?

    I saw the Dragon commercial, but the Polar Bear trek was better. Yes, more cowbell. always.

    ALEX BILODEAU and his brother rock my socks.
    jc

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  9. Brace yourselves, tomorrow CURLING starts!

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  10. I love your description of moguls; that's exactly why I refuse to watch it. I'm in pain long before that first jump. What's with the blue paint on the ski runs?

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  11. I love your Olympic commentary. Why? Because I am oddly drawn to the Olympics, even though it's shit that I never watch in real life and the heartwarming stories of athlete tragedy and triumph make me want to jump off of my 3rd floor balcony.

    Go with the grain alcohol for the figure skating. I used to love the skating (when I was 12), but my tastes have obviously been refined significantly since then.

    As for the speed skating, I've got to say that I love it. So exciting! And the downhill ski last night had me on the edge of my seat. Perhaps I need to get a life.

    Also, I'm pumped for the curling. Seriously, brooms and rocks on ice. W00t!!!

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  12. I had scotch. Grain alcohol would have been better.

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  13. Our family loves speedskating, cuz my sisters used to do it--the youngest one skated with Shani Davis and the middle one was on the junior national team and went to Olympic trials twice. She used to skate with all the kids who were in the Olympics two cycles ago (one of them thought I was hot).

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  14. Belle, hubby said the blue paint is to improve visibility...of something.

    Anyone else find themselves almost leaping out of the chair during the snowboard cross finals? Holy guacamole, I did NOT see that coming! Woohoo!

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  15. The announcer dude was doing his thing with the Biathlon. He says "20 more seconds left until the gold medal" and THEN HE CUTS TO COMMERCIAL!

    Brian Williams said the ice machines were NOT Zambonis, they were imposters. The real Zambonis are being brought in.
    jc

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