Fuck Yeah! As stated beautifully by Naptime Writing in the comments of my last post:“Do not forget...DO NOT forget...that your patriotic duties include getting all jacked up for the medal tallies, in which the accident of one's birthplace is deemed the most important category against which we compare success. If your country, wherein you pay taxes with the athletes who appear in those tallies, has more medals than another, you are clearly, as a citizen, a world-class athlete.”
Damn straight! Suck it Canadian hockey fans! Go USA! These colors don’t run! Or curl, or bobsled, or men’s luge, but let’s not get picky. U-S-A! U-S-A! Hey world: Guess who’s winning the medal count? ‘Merica! And you know what you can’t make ‘Merica without? ME! Otherwise you’d just be left with ‘Rica, which could imply Costa Rica I guess, but do you see any ‘Rican athletes kicking ass on the slopes? No sirreee. In fact it’s as clear as the beautiful aquamarine ocean waters that I would very much like to be swimming in that tropical countries suck at the Winter Olympics. Ha! Unbelievable. You lazy beach dwellers just aren’t badass enough to compete with ‘Merica! Learn to ski damnit. And guess what higher latitude countries: We are crushing you too! Just because your entire population is the size of only one of our awesome states is no excuse. Pull yourselves up by your lederhosen! But thanks for showing up athletes-from-loser-countries! The more attractive among you can enjoy fornicating with our athletes. (But please keep in mind that any children resulting from such unions should be educated in your country, not mine. Oh, and any required medical care is best dealt with in your country too.)
On a tangent, I think I am most proud that America is not the country that thought the World's Preppiest Elizabethan Clowns were a good idea. Every time I look at this photo, I glow with national pride: http://s-ec-sm.buzzfeed.com/static/enhanced/terminal01/2010/2/19/13/enhanced-buzz-11328-1266603012-5.jpg
ReplyDeletegawd I hate hockey !
ReplyDeleteThis is totally unrelated to your post, but I think I've decided that you are my favorite blogger in the history of the world. Carry on.
ReplyDeletePanderbear, those getups make my prom dress look good!
ReplyDeletejc
K-A-T-I-E! K-A-T-I-E!
ReplyDeleteLet's say you're an ice-dancer, and you need a partner, and your brother/sister is ALSO an ice-dancer and needs a partner...you STILL need to find a partner.
ReplyDeleteBrother and sister teams? As adults? No.
WTF was up with those bungee cords around the Russians? Total hilarity that the announcer said "those ropes will probably be banned next year"... ya think?
ReplyDeletejc
laughing my freaking ass off, No. It's even funnier that the whole nation, who ignores hockey and has no freaking interest, is willing to watch a replay of a 1980s match just because we won it. Best hockey ever? Probably not. But it's 'Merican. And now that "we" (don't know about you, but I had no part in any of it, good or bad) beat Canada, 'mericans are swaggering their new hockey swagger. Fuckers never knew we had a team. But it appeared on the medal tally, so....why don't we have a state's medal tally? Why don't we take away electoral votes from lame-ass states who produce no athletes, since clearly medals are what makes our country function day to day.
ReplyDeleteNo medaled Olympic athletes, that is. Because you know Wyoming would start a whole hockey team of cows just to keep their inordinate number of electoral votes.
ReplyDeleteDo you have a 30 second time lapse on that photo. Cause I reckon those cape wearing captain Americas are about to get beaten by the two Canadians dressed as like the Flash.
ReplyDelete-antipodean