Wednesday, April 29, 2009

No, You Can’t Borrow My Laser Pointer (you have no idea where it’s been)

I have to do this (please see Figure 1) for a few days. I will yammer for awhile, listen to others yammer, have a group yammer, and likely get yammered at too much. I trust all of you to take care of the place while I’m gone. I’d appreciate it if you could water the plants, pick up the newspaper, and collect my mail. There is a key under the mat and you are welcome to stay and hang out all you like, and you’re welcome to invite a few friends over too, just keep things on the down low OK? I’ll see you when I get back.

Figure 1

23 comments:

  1. Have fun, Dr. No, lots of fun: hope it's somewhere pleasant where you can be snarky with fellow acadamnits....

    Luckily, it's not the MLA (see 6th comment, also repasted below):

    A conversation between two hotel workers overheard at a previous MLA

    "What convention is this?"

    "It's English teachers."

    "Well, I've never seen so much drinking and so little sex at a convention."

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  2. Someone find where the good booze is, stat! *cough*

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  3. Ooooooo, keys. shiny keys. I wonder what's in HERE? *peeks, happy dance*

    Hermitage, the booze (not the cheap shit, the GOOOOOD shit) is on the top shelf in the fridge, the steaks are in the garage freezer, and the grill is on the back deck - PARTEEEEEEE! now where the hell's the Buffett music? there's a HOT TUB! w00t!!!

    Have a great trip Dr. No. Don't worry about us, we'll behave. We have all eleventy of your contact numbers, saw the mile-long list on the fridge, lock the zillion doors, 911, yadda yadda, we know, we know. BYEEEEE. Have fun:)

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  4. Dr. No, have fun at your yammerthon!

    We'll take care of things around here, though it is possible that you might be out of Cheetos and good booze when you return. ;)

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  5. Yeah. Ink, will you pass me the Cheetos and the Escape section of the Times? And do you want your margarita on the rocks or blended? Oh, look at this! It's Dr. No's tax refund! WooHOO! Herky!

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  6. Let me know how if you manage not to feel homicidally tired by the end of the first yammersesh.

    Meanwhile, I am meeting up with these guys (above). We have organised a surprise makeover on your place for this TV show while you're out of town.

    We've decided to go for a sports theme in your living room with Herky-girl wallpaper and football helmet seats, for your bedroom, we're going for an academic theme (you will soon be sleeping in a large mortar board) and your bathroom is going to be covered in a collage of first-year undegrad poetry, philosophy and self-expression.

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  7. Can I just express how much I love hanging out at Dr. No's place with my blog peeps? And, of course, it IS more fun when Dr. No is here, too.

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  8. It probably crosses the line if I try on your clothes, right?

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  9. Here you go, GEW. And I'll take my margarita blended, thanks.

    AH, that is the best makeover idea EVER. Might I humbly suggest that the bathroom collage avoid using the fonts Hobo, Comic Sans, and Papyrus, to accommodate Dr. No's preferences?

    Meanwhile, let's talk kitchen decor. Does anyone have a large cut-out of Chester the Cheetos guy?

    Ooh, GayProf, let's have a fashion show!

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  10. I'm wondering if we can get the comments up to oh, about 500. Like a house party. underage drinking, sex on every measurable surface, games like 5 minutes in heaven, Aerosmith in the living room, etc. "Sixteen candles" style. We'll need volunteers to pass out on the lawn and to stuff in the coffee table and streakers, yes, definitely.

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  11. Anon--yes, a great Hughesian party (I'm thinking of Weird Science, too). In those movies, don't they just "tell a few friends" and then the whole school shows up?

    ps: Dr. No, we miss you!

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  12. Perhap, a la Weird Science, using our collective scientific knowledge, we could make a real version of our Platonic ideal image of Dr. No.

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  13. I left my extra tackle box in your closet - just in case you need to unwind after a few session of academic
    over-stimulation. Keys are back under the mat.

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  14. Greetings everyone. Just thought I'd check in...uhm, why does it smell like booze? Who left the stereo on? Where's the cheetos?

    Carry on, be home soon.

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  15. Anybody object to AC/DC, "Back in Black"?

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  16. Hi, Dr. No! We did water the plants...

    Now crank it up, GEW!

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  17. I'm going on a booze run to get good beer, good gin, and Lord Calvert whiskey. Anybody need anything? I'm passing the hat.

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  18. Ink, what was in that cigarette you gave me? Suddenly I feel really hungry and the Sokal hoax has never seemed so funny. I ordered 42 pizzas, I hope that's OK with everyone.

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  19. Soon, dammit. I have like 3 kegs to get through! How soon? Should we pass out flyers like Girls Just Wanna Have Fun to thoroughly *cough* clean up the place?

    I really hope that dent in the left door of the TransAm was there already. What dent? nevermind. carry on.

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  20. Whew, things are getting wilder in here...I like it. Pander, thank goodness for noshes.

    Anon, the flyer method (also used in Ten Things I Hate About You) = brilliant. And please do tap those kegs! (Still laughing about the TransAm dent. Was it the TransAm parked next to the Corvette?)

    TO-GA, TO-GA...wait, am I the only one wearing a toga? I think I just jumped film decades and genres, too. Crap.

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  21. Oh, and GEW, here's few finns for the hat. (I don't know how much a finn is, exactly, but I always wanted to say that.)

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