Saturday, April 4, 2009

Provost This

What the fuck Provost? I got your letter. While it is comforting to know that you are recommending to the B.O.T. that I be granted tenure, all I can do is add your letter to the pile of “official” letters I have that say something along the lines of: We/I are pleased to advise you that we/I are recommending that you be granted tenure. The first one was somewhat exciting, but you people are killing me with this shit. I have been told by fucking EVERYONE that I have tenure, I have been approved for a post-tenure sabbatical, arrangements have been made to cover my classes…BUT I DO NOT HAVE AN OFFICIAL LETTER SAYING I HAVE TENURE. IN WRITING MOTHERFUCKERS. NOW! I have seen your votes, I have seen the outside reviews, I have seen the entire fucking pile of documents that you have reduced my life to. This is killing me. You haven’t notified any of us. I am not the only one losing my mind here. I NEED THE PIECE OF PAPER.

I am starting to feel like a real asshole. People are congratulating me. I think Clio Bluestocking once referred to me as a “recently tenured professor.” That made me smile. For a time, people referring to me as such, seemed OK, kinda nice really. But FUCK. It is still not official? I feel like those people in AA that have to go around apologizing for their drunken deeds. I mean do I need to send out a mass email stating: Hey thanks for the congratulations everyone, but I still don’t have a fucking piece of paper making it official. Your compliments are now just making me feel like an imposter. So unless this was your intent (in which case, get the fuck out of my address book), please refrain from all tenure talk. Sincerely, ASSistant Professor No.

Guess what? I am going to write a letter in response to you Provost. I ALSO RECOMMEND THAT I BE GRANTED TENURE! …it means nothing to you doesn’t it?

18 comments:

  1. Yeah, I'm a little perturbed.

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  2. Same thing happened to me. They even published a list of people who had been given tenure in the campus news thing, and there was my name even though I still didn't have my official letter yet, which came two weeks later! You have my empathy...it's excruciating.

    ps: Though I am sad that Gentleman RM didn't win, I do offer kudos to Leotard Gal...

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  3. ps: Just keep laughing at Leotard Girl to keep your spirits until the letter comes in (and it will...if you've made it through the Provost rec, the BOT won't do anything weird, right?).

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  4. Er, that should say keep your spirits UP. Like a herky.

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  5. Yep, It's not official until the board says so. Everywhere. No one rests easy. The "recommended" is ass coverage. So just don't get arrested between now and the board meeting, okay ? Have they even told you when the board meeting is ? At some places, they don't meet until AFTER graduation. The whole process seems to be designed so that you can never feel happy about getting it.

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  6. We're all sick twisted individuals for killing ourselves slowly over the wait for a fucking piece of paper from pokey the pokester provost.

    Passive Aggressive Note to provost:
    "Drop the canoli, sign the fucking paper, or your face will learn what club herky is"

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  7. It's not official until some board, who knows nothing about you or your work and who you will never meet, says it's official.

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  8. Ink: If/when I ever go up for full professor I will feature my "Club Herky" membership on my vita!

    Bobba: You're right, it all seems designed to prevent any sense of satisfaction...I'll TRY not to get arrested, but no promises.

    Anon: Herky as weapon, me likes.

    GayProf: I know! Yet here I am desperately wanting that piece of paper.

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  9. Ah, it's just a formality, as long as you don't go postal... which may be what this process is all about: How much can we torment someone without them going whack? Kind of like the hazing of GREs, comps, qualifying exams, defense... hiring, reviews, promotion, tenure...

    I'm now tenured full, and I'm still waiting for them to tell me what the next round of hoops is gonna be.

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  10. Thanks Belle, I'll try not to go to jail or go postal for the next few weeks (that should keep me occupied).

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  11. Aaaahhhhh your post makes me enormously happy to be but a lowly adjunct at the local CC with no possibility of tenure because it doesn't exist in the system. Writing your own letter to add to the pile is a great idea, even if it's just for your own entertainment.

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  12. Ooh, let's all put Club Herky logos on our cvs when we have full! :D

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  13. Neither my chair nor my BOT members (nor anyone else in-the-know) managed to contact me so that I could attend the meeting at which they were approving my tenure. I came back from winter break, and everyone was like "Congrats, GEW! I bet you feel great!" And I was like, "Hunh? Whaa?" Yeah. I looked stupid.

    I'll save my train wreck story--regarding a BOT meeting at which my sabbatical leave was supposed to be rubber stamped--until AFTER you've gotten your BOT approval.

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  14. Pooh! This proves I have many more "love me, accept me" hoops in front me of me if I want to stay in this biz. But you will get there kind doctor. This seems like another part of the dramatisation of uncertainty and subordination that goes with most status profession positions. Herky on through it.

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  15. Thanks everyone...While it sucks that so many of you have your own "tenure waiting" woes, it is making me feel a little better about the shituation.

    Hopeful: The hoops are endless, at least this hoop comes with a raise and a year long sabbatical, one of the better hoops really.

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  16. Sabbatical rocks. I really wish I could have more of them.

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  17. I did? (Refer to you as "recently tenured," that is.) Your memory is better than mine. My apologies for causing any discomfort or feelings of fraudulence.

    Dear BOT, send Dr. No the damn letter! Sincerely, Clio.

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  18. Hi Clio. I think you did, it would have been many moons ago... I remember (or think I remember) because I was so flattered! Of course I also had a pretty clear memory of grading an entire stack of assignments- only to find 5 more hiding in the middle...

    But hey, thanks for the letter. DON'T MESS WITH CLIO BOT!

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