I am starting to feel like a real asshole. People are congratulating me. I think Clio Bluestocking once referred to me as a “recently tenured professor.” That made me smile. For a time, people referring to me as such, seemed OK, kinda nice really. But FUCK. It is still not official? I feel like those people in AA that have to go around apologizing for their drunken deeds. I mean do I need to send out a mass email stating: Hey thanks for the congratulations everyone, but I still don’t have a fucking piece of paper making it official. Your compliments are now just making me feel like an imposter. So unless this was your intent (in which case, get the fuck out of my address book), please refrain from all tenure talk. Sincerely, ASSistant Professor No.
Guess what? I am going to write a letter in response to you Provost. I ALSO RECOMMEND THAT I BE GRANTED TENURE! …it means nothing to you doesn’t it?