I just can’t do it anymore. I cannot read another student paper. Why on earth did I assign these? I made a rookie mistake, graded the good ones first. Now I am left with a pile of dregs, the stack refuses to grow smaller…Can’t. Do. It. Dying inside. Anyone…? Anyone willing to grade a paper or two…? Anyone…? Bueller…?
My Dog: No bacon. No cheese. No hamburger inside. F
Professor Nice: Very creative treatment of the topic! I appreciate your efforts to infuse your essay with pop cultural references, your use of Wikipedia is particularly novel. Your writing remains a bit disorganized, but much improved from your previous essay! B
My Red Pen: The editorial comments required to transform your musings into something resembling comprehensible sentences has left me depleted. I have bled my precious juice all over your paper. I am left weak, anemic, and in desperate need of a transfusion. Why must you hurt me like this? F
Athletic Department Person: A
Professor Blunt: Not good, consider withdrawing from class. D
Service Whore: Would you allow me to use your assignment for part of a study being conducted by the “Learning Rubrics Committee”? I have attached a permission form. B
Leigh Kino: The proportions are fantastic, but let’s look inside…Hhm, Leslie look at these dovetails, and these cabriole legs…something’s just not right.
Leslie Kino: While a beautiful piece, it has clearly been cobbled together from previous writings. C
The Sham Wow! Guy: I rolled up a wet sweater in your paper, I tried drying off Olympic divers, I poured coke on my carpet and punched your paper into it. More Sham than Wow! C
Thanks everyone. Six papers left, any takers? Anyone…? Anyone…?