Friday, July 2, 2010

Check Yo Self

So I got beaned in the head with a baseball. Seriously. A giant bulbous growth spurted out of my head instantly. It was crazy. A huge lump just materialized in seconds. That part was kinda cool. It was like being in a sci-fi film with a giant alien baby about to pop out of my head. I’m fine and the alien baby is retreating back into my brain. I am now in the “black-eye phase” of the getting-whacked-in-the-head-recovery-process. So people who see me think I am either a volatile drunk or a battered wife. Those are the stereotypes the fine people of the hardware store were weighing as I purchased trash bags. Sure, we can all think of lots of reasons why somebody would have a black eye, but when you’re of a certain age I think Mr. Dude Who Gets Drunk And Picks Fights and Mrs. That Bastard Hit Me are the most obvious guesses. And people guess. They fucking do, I can see it on their faces. This is not paranoia on my part. Although, I did recently experience some head trauma…and the trash bags were kinda looking at me funny…it is 1985 right?

9 comments:

  1. Jeezus motherfuck! Leave baseball to the fucking professionals!

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  2. Dude, that motherfucking *glove* looks huge! watch out for that thing too. prolly breaks noses like a castiron pan.
    jc

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  3. Sorry you got hurt...but I say work it, Doc! Perfect time to go "have a little talk" with anyone who is bugging you.

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  4. Owowowowowow! I'm getting a sympathy headache. Hope it goes away soon...well, maybe not the alien thing, because that could be cool, but the black eye. My 3 year-old newphew gave me one once, and, yeah, people went straight to the Mrs. That Bastard Hit Me explanation.

    Did you at least get to keep the ball?

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  5. I do have the ball but I was just playing catch- so not even a hotdog!

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  6. I think a studded leather jacket is in order. Wearing it would probably give people a whole different list of assumptions.

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  7. No one questioned why you were buying trash bags? Because I would probably have assumed that someone put up quite a fight, and now you need the trash bags to dispose of the body. . .

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  8. You're a girl!? Commence crush.

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