I just successfully Dean dodged! It’s such a thrilling sport. I have failed miserably at Dean dodging before, but today I was in top form. My minutes of training have finally paid off. (Insert training montage here: picture me in sweats and a headband, then chasing chickens, cut to me chopping firewood, then a brief shot of me in 1980s-style Jazzercise gear, and finally me winning at Plinko) Never Dean dodged? Sure you have! Dean dodging can only be played off campus (on campus you can only play Dean evading, which has its own unique set of rules). I just had the opportunity to play a good round of Dean dodging in the grocery store. Our last match was also in the grocery store (I was ahead by 12 points, when he pulled a sneaky strategic play and got in the checkout line behind me, thus scoring a resounding victory). But this time, I won. I spotted him in produce, a difficult location for any Dean dodging match. With all those green leafies it’s like a fucking garden party in there, something about colorful vegetables and fruit inspires chit-chat, coupled with the lack of places to hide and the produce section is just all-round bad for dodging. I spotted him early and quickly made my way to paper products, successfully dodging any uncomfortable yam-or chive-centered awkward social exchange. Whew. I forced myself to examine the various trash bag options for as long as I could, trash bags being optimally located for detecting Dean movements along the Seafood, Dairy, Bakery corridor and providing a decent view of possible checkout lane entry. As the Dean made his bakery choice (pita bread, interesting, I had him pegged for a sourdough loaf) I stealthily made my way to canned goods. Sure, I walked out of the store with a lightbulb and a can of corn (not the dinner I was hoping for) but I WON. Oh yeah Dean. In your face!
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Dean Dodging
I just successfully Dean dodged! It’s such a thrilling sport. I have failed miserably at Dean dodging before, but today I was in top form. My minutes of training have finally paid off. (Insert training montage here: picture me in sweats and a headband, then chasing chickens, cut to me chopping firewood, then a brief shot of me in 1980s-style Jazzercise gear, and finally me winning at Plinko) Never Dean dodged? Sure you have! Dean dodging can only be played off campus (on campus you can only play Dean evading, which has its own unique set of rules). I just had the opportunity to play a good round of Dean dodging in the grocery store. Our last match was also in the grocery store (I was ahead by 12 points, when he pulled a sneaky strategic play and got in the checkout line behind me, thus scoring a resounding victory). But this time, I won. I spotted him in produce, a difficult location for any Dean dodging match. With all those green leafies it’s like a fucking garden party in there, something about colorful vegetables and fruit inspires chit-chat, coupled with the lack of places to hide and the produce section is just all-round bad for dodging. I spotted him early and quickly made my way to paper products, successfully dodging any uncomfortable yam-or chive-centered awkward social exchange. Whew. I forced myself to examine the various trash bag options for as long as I could, trash bags being optimally located for detecting Dean movements along the Seafood, Dairy, Bakery corridor and providing a decent view of possible checkout lane entry. As the Dean made his bakery choice (pita bread, interesting, I had him pegged for a sourdough loaf) I stealthily made my way to canned goods. Sure, I walked out of the store with a lightbulb and a can of corn (not the dinner I was hoping for) but I WON. Oh yeah Dean. In your face!
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Amusing and snarky, as usual, Dr. No! Thank you. And, it reminds me of the time I was Chair-Cowering (Chair-Cowering? I need a C-word). I had just moved to what was then a smallish, 25K town and needed a quart of milk. As I was wont to do in Brooklyn (where I lived amongst 2nd generation Italians and fellow graduate students), I put my winter coat over my jammies and ran to the corner store, but alas, there, in line, was my chair, smirking a bit too gleefully at my attire.
ReplyDeleteYou can eat that corn and lightbulb stew with a smile on your face though! Well done Grasshopper.
ReplyDeleteAnniem: Chair-Cowering must be added to the lexicon!
ReplyDeleteProf-like: Thank you, sensei.
My dean couldn't pick me out of a police lineup.
ReplyDeleteUh -- Not that he would have to cause to pick me our of a police lineup.
Clearly I don't proofread my comments.
ReplyDeleteBeing lower on the professional hierarchy, my concerns pertain to supervisor-dodging. I was so unsmooth the other week when I tried to go undetected at the cinema. She hunted me down as the previews started and said "hello" in a tone that said, "I know you saw me earlier in the ticket queue, you tool."
ReplyDeleteOh my god, this is hilarious - thanks for it!
ReplyDeleteThat's funny - my PI dodges me (his student!) when we see each other in public. I have no idea why he can't interact with me outside the lab (although he barely manages interaction in the lab), so I take great delight in pretending I don't see him at the supermarket, movie theater, etc. so he can sneak away (phew!)...and then I pop up to surprise him in the checkout line. Ha! Gotcha! Then he squirms with discomfort as I engage him in unilateral small-talk (it's only awkward for him). Student: 1. Advisor: 0.
ReplyDeleteHe practices "Student Sneak-Away".
I counter with "Advisor Accosting".
I understand your need to Dean-Dodge...but it becomes a completely different sport when the balance of power is shifted such that the authority is dodging the underling. So much more fun to be the stalker if you're not otherwise the one in charge.
I deploy most of my evasive energies in the vicinity of our CFO. (The CFO Fend-Off? The Financier Feint?) Although he wields little direct power over me, he's creepy and I think he's a robot. Just this morning I charged down a flight of stairs and nearly fell to my death in order to get out of the building before he came in through the other door, thereby forcing me to say hello and then walk about 10 yards in his proximity (luckily, death was avoided, and I was in the clear).
ReplyDeleteThese various "dodging" stories are cracking my ass up.
ReplyDeleteAs for GayProf, I suspect you must be some sort of Dean Dodger phenom...perhaps you were plucked from your kindergarten class at a very young age and sent off to some special intensive training center to hone your skills.
Am *loving* the ninja in the pic!
ReplyDelete