Tuesday, February 17, 2009
I just successfully Dean dodged! It’s such a thrilling sport. I have failed miserably at Dean dodging before, but today I was in top form. My minutes of training have finally paid off. (Insert training montage here: picture me in sweats and a headband, then chasing chickens, cut to me chopping firewood, then a brief shot of me in 1980s-style Jazzercise gear, and finally me winning at Plinko) Never Dean dodged? Sure you have! Dean dodging can only be played off campus (on campus you can only play Dean evading, which has its own unique set of rules). I just had the opportunity to play a good round of Dean dodging in the grocery store. Our last match was also in the grocery store (I was ahead by 12 points, when he pulled a sneaky strategic play and got in the checkout line behind me, thus scoring a resounding victory). But this time, I won. I spotted him in produce, a difficult location for any Dean dodging match. With all those green leafies it’s like a fucking garden party in there, something about colorful vegetables and fruit inspires chit-chat, coupled with the lack of places to hide and the produce section is just all-round bad for dodging. I spotted him early and quickly made my way to paper products, successfully dodging any uncomfortable yam-or chive-centered awkward social exchange. Whew. I forced myself to examine the various trash bag options for as long as I could, trash bags being optimally located for detecting Dean movements along the Seafood, Dairy, Bakery corridor and providing a decent view of possible checkout lane entry. As the Dean made his bakery choice (pita bread, interesting, I had him pegged for a sourdough loaf) I stealthily made my way to canned goods. Sure, I walked out of the store with a lightbulb and a can of corn (not the dinner I was hoping for) but I WON. Oh yeah Dean. In your face!