I have a brown leather briefcase thing, it’s really more like a satchel. I rarely use it. Why? Because I like tweed jackets. What’s the connection you ask? Well, once clad in tweed the addition of a brown leather satchel instantly makes me conscious of becoming a walking stereotype. I mean really, I may as well add a pipe to the look. A bottle of scotch in the lower desk drawer, some chalk dust on my hands, crazy eyebrows, glasses in my pocket, an office reminiscent of a natural history museum…damn. It’s bad enough I like tweed. Shit.It shouldn’t matter. I AM a professor. I mean if anyone is going to be wearing tweed and carrying a leather satchel it may as well be me (or you) right? But there I find myself. Clad in tweed staring at a perfectly useful bag gathering dust in my closet. Why this combo of tweed and leather connotes the ultimate “Professor Uniform” to me I do not know. Well, sure I do- the media. Sorry, stupid question. But why do I find it so impossible to put on this particular uniform? I must conform to countless stereotypes in countless ways but the leather satchel packed with books slung over a tweedy shoulder? I just can’t do it. I am totally happy to be associated with tweed, but you add that one little detail and in my mind there I am in my Professor Uniform. It just doesn’t fit right, or maybe it fits too well, it’s confining, it’s comfortable, it’s sexy, it’s comfortable in a ratty t-shirt that should never be worn in public kind of way, it’s accomplished, or is it prideful? It represents both a goal and a warning. It should really just go live in the extra closet with the rest of my luggage.
Personally, I love the image of a handsome, thirty-something guy in glasses and tweed jacket, carrying his leather satchel, pipe in teeth. This image has a name for me: Christopher Hernandez. The most gorgeous professor a girl ever saw. In fact, the only male professor whose name I remember. He made reading Greek in the original seem sexy.
ReplyDeleteOr you could add a subversive luggage tag or sticker to the satchel. Or a pop-out thing that springs into the ether every time you open the thing.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post! I hate the media portrayals of professors. My main problem is that appearance-wise I don't fit into any stereotyped image of a professor. So I'm often faced with people saying "You?? A professor??? Ha ha ha! Now, seriously, what do you do in life?"
ReplyDeleteI say embrace the whole look. 150%. Once you've gone tweed, the bag is an exceedingly appropriate accessory. And if you have a hankering for a pipe, add it. It's Classic. ?It's Professor Chic. Make it work. That's what the wonderful Tim Gunn would say! Although Tim would most certainly say that manscaping any crazy eyebrows is acceptable. :)
ReplyDeleteIt's an incredibly sexy look and no doubt part of the reason I entered the profession was to be able to leer, surrepticiously, at men in tweed (the bottle of scotch in the desk drawer doesn't hurt, either).
ReplyDeletePerhaps I should visit the "Macy's Professory Wall."
ReplyDeleteIt's always perplexing to airport check-in and security that my plane ticket and freq flyer card has Dr in front of my name and I carry a very fashionable to-drool-over blinged-out set of matching luggage that looks like it's straight out of Milan. If they don't comment on the hot as hell luggage, they say "Dr, really?", look at the picture, look back at me, look at picture, scratch head, scribble on my ticket. I feel like I should do my little turn on the catwalk, yeah, on the catwalk. I do my little turn on the catwalk.
ReplyDeleteJoan Rivers says Tweed is always in fashion. I think that's a warning.
Oh, and the glasses belong on a chain around your neck. Rock it out.
jc
"Perhaps I should visit the "Macy's Professory Wall." LMAO.
ReplyDeleteAnd "use it thoughtfully"! *Why* does he say that every time now? Were people using shoes incorrectly before?
I like Corduroy, especially the kind that swishes. That swishing noise could lull me to sleep. I want to record a white noise CD called "Corduroy Swishes." I will be rich. People will but any crazy bullshit. Am I correct, Professor? -- TH
ReplyDeleteOf course I meant, people will BUY any crazy bullshit. I'm slightly stoned on anxiety meds. I missed the typo. Apologies. - TH
ReplyDeleteAnyone else now have that "I'm Too Sexy" song blaring in their heads? Thanks jc, really, thanks for that.
ReplyDeleteInk: What's up with that? Some unseen footage of shoe-hands?
Tom: Go for it! I'd be happy to advertise it on the Macy's Professory Wall...a concept I am now greatly enjoying.
Typos- no worries everyone. Have you seen my use of punctuation?!?
I really think it all depends on whether or not the tweed jacked has suede elbow pads.
ReplyDeleteI'm avoiding wearing Birkenstocks with socks for the same reasons. And very large jewelry from other cultures. The scotch, however...
ReplyDeleteThe scotch is more like necessary equipment.
ReplyDelete(no comment on the elbow patch issue)
Yes, Dr. No! Someday we'll see the lost footage show with shoehands, shoehats, and shoebags.
ReplyDeleteOoh, let's list what IS on the Macy's Professory Wall: elbow patches, pipes, satchels, scarves, Birks with socks, Dansko clogs, artsy jewelry, black-rimmed or tortoiseshell glasses, necklace/lariat for not losing said glasses, notebooks, pocket protectors, lab coats, woolen capes, berets, and...what else?
Semi-seriously, the last time I mentioned tweeds on my blog someone wise piped up to say that it was the uniform of those for whom there was no gap between work and leisure, hence academics. Less seriously, I have known at least one girl who really dug tweed, I mean out at the far edge of comical waving a foot over 'okay you're beginning to be creepy now', so there may be hidden bonuses. This may not appeal to you, Dr No, but you can see it as a warning. Perhaps you can fend them off with a well-swung satchel...
ReplyDeleteI am with Ink: Embrace your professory sense of fashion. But then get a little speaker inset into the leather satchel, from which you can blast the Eels (or whatever strikes your fancy on a given day).
ReplyDeleteOh, and as for me, I look so much like a teacher/mom with my Danskos (or Borns) and my black glasses that it's pathetic. I think I might pay Ink to come to Cali and style me out.
ReplyDeleteUh, I just googled "tweed fetish" and this blog comes up on the first page...holy shiznit.
ReplyDeleteGEW, I am not mocking professorial style in any way. I dig it. So wear those Danskos (me too) and black glasses with pride.
ReplyDeleteDr. No, that's AWESOME!
I know what I'm wearing today!
ReplyDeleteI'm with Ink. Don't just go there. OWN there. Re-invent there. Make yourself a tweed fetish legend!
OWN it, dude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Especially the Scotch in the bottom drawer.
ReplyDeleteMy best friend and I were giggling about something this morning, and she said "I think I just peed myself" and I heard "I think I just tweed myself"....I'm losing it.
ReplyDeletejc
Oh I like that! I hope you two were giggling about something extremely erudite.
ReplyDeleteTo "tweed ones pants" has now entered my vocabulary.
FYI, in my post for today, I reference a leather satchel. Alas, no tweed jacket.
ReplyDelete