Monday, September 28, 2009

Hell To The No

So Ink (via Naptime Writing) had a post recently about books you’re supposed to like but don’t. Thank you! I have wanted to rant about a book I read recently but it seemed like such a random post that I shelved the idea. But hey, now I have an “in” so let’s release some book hatred:

It assaulted me with language. I fucking hated it. It made me want to communicate in short sentences for days. Hi. Beer. Great. Yes. Food. OK. Bye. Sorry. No officer. It was one of those books where you have to read 3 pages just to get to the part where someone finishes the damn sentence they started thousands of words ago. I know, I know! You want to know the book. I’ll tell you, BUT keep the following in mind. If the book I am about to name is, like, your favorite book or something you need to do the following: prepare a brief argument to justify your position regarding the novels redeeming qualities (but first quell your anger) and then rethink your position and just agree with me that it sucks. Here we go, A Fable by William Faulkner. Goddamned it sucked. Ooooh, I said GODdamned, could that be a biblical reference? Could you shove the bible in my face any harder Faulkner? Oh sorry Faulkner, you probably don’t understand what I’m saying. Would it help if I wrote “I” followed by 3 pages of uselessly wordy elaboration “get” followed by 3 pages of even more uselessly wordy elaboration “it” already? Sorry A Fable but you are now relegated to the no-mans-land region of my bookcases where you can sit unnoticed and unloved right next to The Shipping News. Have fun with that.

17 comments:

  1. Heh! I haven't read "A Fable". Sounds fucking awful. Thanks for doing that so now I won't have to.

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  2. So what nimwit suggested you start (I assume? but I know where that gets me) Faulkner with "A Fable"???

    "A Rose for Emily", baby, is the place to begin: get the illegally posted version of this wild short story at http://www.moonstar.com/~acpjr/Blackboard/Common/Stories/RoseEmily.html

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  3. Oh my God. The Shipping News was so fucking unreadable...and then they made it into a MOVIE? WTF? Nothing even happens in that book to warrant a movie version.

    Have not read "A Fable." I am a fan of Faulkner, but that certainly doesn't discount the possibility that there's some shitty Faulkner out there. I mean, dude DID write drunk.

    If you haven't read Dorothy Perkins Gillman's "The Yellow Wallpaper"...I think it beats "A Rose for Emily." Although Rose has a lot going on there!!

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  4. I filed "Moby Dick" under the 'Life is Too Short' category years ago.

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  5. I couldn't get over the fragments in The Shipping News. But maybe that's because I'm sort of old school when it comes to the novel.

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  6. Dr. No, AWESOME rant. My favorite part: "then rethink your position and just agree with me that it sucks." HA!!! (After I read The Shipping News, I couldn't form a complete sentence for months.)

    My favorite Faulkner is _As I Lay Dying._ Hands down. Though it is definitely guilty of some of the charges above.

    Faulkner's Nobel Prize Speech is pretty awesome, though.

    Aside to AnnieEm, I can't believe you said "Rose"! Just prepped that for (yet another) teaching of that later this week. Have you ever seen the short film with Angelica Houston? Strange adaptation...

    And I agree with TKW that "The Yellow Wall-paper" (Charlotte Perkins Gilman) is one of the best stories EVER.

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  7. I've been teaching "Rose" for 20 years (on and off---gotta take breaks) in my Intro to Fiction classes. It's usually a great way to get EVERYONE talking, since it's such a disturbing story. (I vaguely remember the short film--Angelica H was also in the film version of The Dead, right? Another awesome literary work, Dr. No, if you're looking for more highbrow and better sentences).

    I love "The Yellow Wallpaper" also. I actually tried Perkins' novella "Herland" last year, to much acclaim by 5 students (out of 40). Sigh.

    My fave Faulkner novel is also As I Lay Dying, but Intruder in the Dust is also da bomb;-) Not exactly LIGHT reading, alas. Oprah did a Summer of Faulkner a few years ago, and that pretty much killed her book club;-)

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  8. I love it when all of you banter about books! I know there are lots of "scientist" types who read fiction, but among my friends and colleagues? Well, not so much. I just get a real kick out of your literary savvy.

    I'll check out your suggested readings but I'll have to let my "A Fable" hatred pass first. The two other Faulkner books I read were good (not really great for me, but I can appreciate why the guy is famous and all).

    Oh, and I'll let you in on a little secret. I've been reading the Pulitzer list. I'm almost done.

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  9. I was *just* going to say that A Fable won a Pulitzer and how cool that you read something so important. Kudos to you for tackling that list! I'm sure I'd not make it through--since I read deep texts for work,I don't typically challenge myself with texts of that caliber when not working (instead: hello, beloved academic mysteries). What's next on the list?

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  10. Oh, and I've taught Herland before, too, Annie Em, and had similar results. *I* liked it, though. Which is all that really matters. Ok, so it's not. But it was good for them.

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  11. Working through the list has been quite the experience...I have lots to say about it, but I better finish first. Currently reading The Collected Stories of Katherine Anne Porter.

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  12. ooooh, that wild and crazy dame Kate Porter! I read her one and only novel, Ship of Fools, and adored it, but never really appreciated the short stories---let me know which one I should try again.

    I AM impressed about your BAT cave adventures reading Pulizer Prize fiction: is this some sort of physics experiment?

    And Inky: academic mysteries!! What's your favorite? Have you read Murder at the MLA?

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  13. I love that you sock it to Faulkner. I adore a couple of his novels. Just revel in them. And the rest, honestly, sound drunk. I once said that in an undergrad seminar...is it possible that all this grammatical and lexical innovation is just intoxication? I was almost banned from the department.
    Haven't read A Fable. But LOVE the way you blogged this. Like, a full page of "I hate something but seriously, don't get too offended as long as you can debate me and cite your references." You're awesome.

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  14. Annie: Murder at the MLA rocks. I also love Book: A Novel and anything by Amanda Cross. Have you read Publish or Perish? That was creepalicious.

    Nap: I second everything you said.

    Dr. No: Am looking forward to everything else you will say. And have fun with Kate!

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  15. Found you through Student Mum's blog via A Good (Enough) Woman's blog. I haven't read the Faulkner you hate, but now I am going to hunt it down. I'm perverse that way. If I were you, the next Faulkner I'd pick up is "East of Eden". Yeah, the sentences are still long, but it's delicious.

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  16. Kim: No need to track down the book, just chew on some glass- the experience will be identical.

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  17. Funny, Dr. No. Think I'll pass on the glass and look for the book.

    And I didn't intend the rhyme.

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