Tuesday, September 22, 2009

What Is This Meeting About Exactly?

There is an old saying that goes “Only Users Lose Drugs.” It might have been “Only Losers Use Drugs” but Officer McGruff or whoever the hell tried to teach us that in high school was a lousy teacher. (Remember the fake joints they passed around? They were sooooo fake. Obviously if they were real we would have stolen them …which speaks volumes for the quality of anti-drug education I was forced to sit through as a kid…but I digress.) You see, with a little wordplay a stupid little saying becomes funny. Not hilarious funny, but mildly amusing. But when you say “let’s have a committee meeting” I hear “let’s have a commit me meeting.” Not what I want to hear. Not funny.

Commit? As in force me from my lair to attend a gathering of people at a predetermined time and place? To rise from bed early? Or, commit as in check me into the nearest “facility”? Which could happen because I don’t go anywhere near campus until very late at night (and in a ninja suit) and you want your little meeting during prime time don’t you? The sheer volume of work related crap I would have to encounter in order to attend your meeting could certainly cause mental instability. I am willing to attend (for the sake of assuaging the guilt I would feel for abandoning you) but I am not traipsing past the main office, walking by the graduate student offices, or going anywhere near my office. I can attend your meeting but I will be entering the building via the loading dock and by accessing the back staircase I can make my way to the basement storage room or the roof. These are your meeting location options. Please plan accordingly.


  1. Have someone bring in a laptop and Skype in - Preferably with a tropical setting in the background and a drink with an umbrella in it. They'll never be able to find you that way.

  2. Yeah, it's time to use some of those cool Web2.0 technologies I keep hearing about. GoToMeeting, or Adobe Connect; Skype etc.

    Dial in from home!

  3. I believe, dear Dr. No, you need to review the definition of sabBATical: you don't DO no stinking meetings. Period.

  4. Love the "commit me" play! Now I will always think that, too.

    And you know what they say about department meetings: "you may arrive sane, but you will surely depart mental."

  5. AH! That's funny, I'd never heard that- genius.

  6. A meeting while you are on sabbatical? Doesn't that violate the Constitutional prohibition on "cruel and unusual punishment"?

    LOVE the ninja!