Would you? My coffee maker seems to think you would. Or, if you prefer, I can offer you some coffee soaked chopsticks. Perhaps a spatula is more your style, or some tongs. I call the ice-cream scoop!Fucking coffee maker. After many months of dutiful service my coffee maker has decided to expand its horizons, to try new things, to explore its creative side so to speak. Apparently making coffee IN THE POT is no longer enough. Today my coffee maker decided to gurgle its water and grounds all over the countertop, dribbling them down into the utensil drawer below and all over the floor. Interesting approach coffee maker, I had no idea you had such creative intentions. If I had my wits about me (by which I mean if I had enough caffeine in my system to function like a human) I would say something about how it’s good to try new things…about how sometimes it makes a big mess but it’s worth a try. About how why the hell can’t I try that, what’s the worst that could happen? It would be all cheesily supportive of pursuing new things. But, fuck it. I’m too busy licking coffee off of this garlic press for that.
If I were you, I would be careful around this machine. First, a coffee maker discovers creativity. Then, buff Austrian robot men start knocking on doors looking for Sarah Connor.
ReplyDeleteYour coffee mug -----(yeah, that one)----->>>
ReplyDeletemade a friend. Hide the knives.
jc
Buy a canvas. Rent a gallery. Next thing you know, you're the next Jackson Pollack. (Or at least the next Painting Elephant.)
ReplyDeleteWow, you must have made it mad. Approach with caution... ;)
ReplyDelete...it all makes sense now, my kitchen appliances are uniting against me...my laptop (no longer the same laptop I used to know) is their leader...
ReplyDeleteMaybe they need a spa day. Or...what would be the electronic equivalent of a spa day?
ReplyDeleteMy coffee maker does the same thing sometimes. Usually on days I need coffee the most. I have no idea what I've done to offend it, but it certainly has a vengeful streak.
ReplyDeleteI am thinking of just chucking the ever-malfunctioning automatic coffee makers and going old school to a percolator. At least if that boils over, you can claim it as part of a campy retro style of life.
ReplyDeleteGrooving on your new header, Dr. No.
ReplyDeleteI'm still undecided on the new header...but thanks for noticing, I might keep tinkering...
ReplyDeleteTHANK GOD FOR COFFEE....PRAISE GOD...
ReplyDelete