Friday, September 25, 2009

John D. & Catherine T.

What gives? Yet again you have failed to award me a Genius Grant. You seem to favor the type of genius that creates tangible evidence of their scientific and artistic prowess. I have to cry foul! How prejudice of you! What about us geniuses that perform our amazing acts of disease curing and culture changing in a purely imaginary realm? (and no, an imaginary $500,000 won’t do). Just because my geniosity (see! I can make up words, we geniuses do that) has resulted in no tangible manifestations does not mean you should overlook me.

How kick-ass must it be to win one of those things? Can you imagine? …oh nothing much new with me, you know, just been hanging out and winning a MacArthur Genius Grant. …oh that? It’s just a little something I picked up with my MacArthur Genius Grant check. …oh hi there Tenure & Promotion committee, well, let’s see, I did win a MacArthur Genius Grant, does that count? Damn.


  1. I totally imagined myself into your project, so yeah, where's our genius award? The nerve.

  2. I am glad I am not the only one who fantasizes about this. God, that would be a good day, when the phone rings & it's the MacArthur genius folks on the phone ...

  3. If it is any consolation, I am thrilled to present you with the first annual Pand R. Bear Grant. It is awarded for excellence in herkies and blog coverage thereof (you were nominated in both categories).

  4. I am so honored! Thanks Pand R. Bear Foundation! Where did you send the fat herky check?

  5. This is as close as I'll ever get. Phone rings. I answer:

    Me: Hello.

    Other person: Hi, this is the MacArthur Foundation. Congratulations! We are awarding you a Genius Grant for your work on the complex social dynamics of starling flocking behavior.

    Me: But I study polyphenols.

    Other person: Oh, sorry, wrong number.

  6. Love the post. Love the Real Genius photo.
    Love that they gave my favorite author the grant. They told me you're next, but I'm still waiting.