Thursday, June 17, 2010

Write-In Candidate: Me

Is anyone else just digging the “TIAA CREF Important Notice Regarding Availability of Proxy Materials for the Participant Meeting to be held on July 20, 2010” dated June 9, 2010? You know that packet thingy about the election of trustees that came in the mail? It’s pretty damn interesting. I’m not kidding. If you haven’t seen this thing then you need to go find it. Dig through the mail and find it. Keep looking! Did you look in the book catalogues? What about under that magazine? What about that mail under the coffee cup? Is it in there? Hey, that’s not coffee. Go check the box right now, or just go here.

I’ll just assume you found it. Did you read those nominee bios? See those tables of information? Their contact address? Prior work experiences? Other directorships? Who are these people? You know who I think they are? (That’s not really a question because OF COURSE I’m going to tell you) But do you know who I think they are?!? They are us. They are us, if we had chosen to use our educations and skills to make shit-tons of money instead of, you know, dedicating our lives to researching some weird shit.

23 comments:

  1. Uh, I get that thing via e-mail these days, and I must have deleted it. I promise to look at it next year and pretend to read it, really.

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  2. I should get my TIAA CREF shiz by email, but I rather enjoy trying to read it. Which is weird, cause who likes reading that kind of stuff? Hhm...do we all have some form of equivalent "sick pleasure" reading material that we indulge in? Shampoo bottles, government stuff, penal laws and the like?

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  3. HA! We have a shampoo bottle reader folks!

    I like this concept- everybody think about the weird things that they enjoy reading and I'll make it the topic of my next post.

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  4. Skymall Catalog

    Shampoo bottles (as above)

    Other random household good catalogs (e.g. Crate and Barrel) even though I'll never buy anything from them

    Local "newsletter" "The Coffee News" even though it is the dumbest-assed thing EVER and makes me angry every time I read it.

    Those Nigerian money scam emails. Sometimes they're so funny, with the typos and the wackiness!

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  5. Vicky Secret, One Hanes Place, LL Bean, HomeDecorators catalogs. I do buy shit.

    I guess I'll check my mail in the morning for TIAACRAP. I read the Walmart and JCP flyers in the mail for sales. I save coupons, and I keep address labels from the American Heart peeps.

    I read shampoo bottles too, and every other bottle label. I'm allergic to lots of shit so I'm like a rare treasure hunter in everyfuckingstore.
    jc

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  6. What the fucking fuck are you gibbering about, Dr. No? Some kind of insurance shiznit?

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  7. "no laptop computers, recording equipment or cameras will be permitted" Is this because what happens at the College Retirement Equities Fund Annual Meeting stays at the College Retirement Equities Fund Annual Meeting?

    I read Southwest Art Magazine covertocover. I could care less about the shit they show in the galleries here, I wanna be in S.W.A.

    And I will break the law to read a bumper sticker...

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  8. JC: Thanks for playing!

    Comrade: I'm fucking talking 'bout the TIAA CREF Board of Trustees. Those fuckers have a ton of my damn money...OK maybe not a ton, but say a large suitcase full, or maybe just a hobo sacks worth.

    BS: Hey where did you come from? Southwest Art Magazine eh? That's cool.

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  9. I also read instruction manuals. Like the one I'm reading now to put shelving together. Except that the screw pics are NOT THE ACTUAL SIZE. They are a "representative size" in the manual. So the "large screws" are about 1 inch long in my hand, but are 1/2 inch long in the "approximate size" picture. The "small screws" are 1/2 inch long in my hand but look like itty frickin bitty thumbtack thingies in the shitty pic. SHOOOOOOOT MEEEEEEEE NOOOOOWWWWWWWWW.

    bumper stickers, awesome.
    jc

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  10. LOL! I've thought that exact. same. thing. And then I refuse to vote because I know NOTHING about those people.

    Very few of us in the history of humanity that have hunkered down with ye olde TIAA CREF giant book of wonder and read it. There should be a sticker for that.

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  11. Why do those fuckers have your fucking bennies?

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  12. Ink: I know! I read the entire thing and then feel paralyzed to actually vote- perhaps they should include a writing sample and a list of their favorites...

    Comrade: Cause the University kicks in money on my behalf.

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  13. Oh, retirement shit. I never open those envelopes. You think I should?

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  14. Well, no. I haven't changed a thing about my account based on reading that stuff.

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  15. Yes, a writing sample.

    I could also go for a full cv (not that awards-laden blurb that tells me nothing).

    Plus: their top ten favorite bands and tv shows. Would help me know if I trust them or not.

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  16. It really would help. As is, it's just one Harvard fancy pants MBA after another.

    Are you listening TIAA CREF?!? Jazz up your trustee nomination material! At least 2 of us are reading that shit!

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  17. Yeah! And we might even VOTE afterwards if you liven it up already! Dang, people!

    I would also vote if there were some kind of prize offered. Like a new briefcase. Or a job at Harvard. Or some candy.

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  18. I'm voting for the head of the Econ Department at MIT, because I think he's most likely to annoy everyone else on the board.

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  19. I suspect that TIAA CREF would give us crappy "old people" candy, but candy would work!

    Interesting strategy Joe- I like your thinking.

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  20. I like Joe's thinking, too.

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  21. Shampoo bottles. Instruction Manuals. TIAA CREF. This definitely takes the edge of the ridiculous questions from Behavioral Sciences and Medicine midterm and the 85% humidity (don't even feel it anymore). Ditto to shampoo and most other ingredients.

    I also think I'm the third non-ivy MBA to read the nominees for TIAA CREF. And yes noticed the rather...lack of academic diversity. I think I told my friend (who actually had the account) to vote for the MIT guy too (this was in '08) just cause he wasn't from Haaaahvud. Btard probably went to undergrad there though.

    Um, Oh yeah, this also reminds me of when I worked with a bunch of shareholder activists (as in college student hippie activists, not the kind of shareholder "activists" that are really rich guys looking to raid a company). There was some discussion on making CREF invest more in local communities, socially responsible and environmental investing. So my point is if you see any Proxy Votes for something actually meaningful be sure to vote for it (and encourage your colleagues!) - even though it's 1 share 1 vote (depending on your share type) and those big institutional investors have like 50 million shares. Each. Kinda reminds me of another voting system...

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