Friday, January 9, 2009

Snow Is Still Cold, And Also Does Not Cause The Copy Machine To Magically Gain New Functions

I know, why not! It is a perfectly logical conclusion to reach, snow is cold, the copy machine should really have fabulous new functions. Yet these two facts just don’t add up the way they should. Everyone in this building is frantically syllabiing (snow can cause the creation of new verbs). We all have mucho photocopying to do, and while it may seem logical that the snow has somehow enabled our machine to now work at lightning speed, take on numerous simultaneous print jobs, and most magically- create syllabi, it has not. Whatever snow ritual needed to happen, did not. What that means for us, despite causing serious metaphysical doubts in the minds of you snow worshippers, is that now is not the time for extraneous photocopying. I can’t imagine why you feel the need to make your TA photocopy old dissertations. Why today is the day I keep finding flawed copies of travel receipts, manuscripts, and very odd tables of data littered around the machine. Save these tasks for later. You can fail to collate those papers, cut off the amounts on your receipts, and set the contrast too high next week. For now, let’s just get back to syllabing.

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