Tuesday, November 24, 2009

My Lab Ain’t Like That

I understand that real Sudafed can be used to make meth. I don’t want any meth. I don’t want to make any meth. I just want the feeling that my brain is drowning in phlegm to stop. Can meth do that? I don’t really know, nor do I wish to find out. So I drag my ass to the pharmacy and say that I want some Sudafed. I have to provide identification and sign my name to some quasi-official looking registry. All of this, I assume, is to establish that I want some Sudafed for non-meth making purposes. So why, after going through these hoops, does the pharmacist grab a STACK a motherfucking STACK of Sudafed boxes for me. How much Sudafed do you think your average non-meth making person needs? Why on earth would I possibly want THAT MUCH Sudafed unless I WAS making meth? The pharmacist looked at me like I was crazy when I only wanted one box! Granted, my watery eyes schlubby clothes and dripping nose might resemble a “meth makeover” but I still have all of my teeth. What else are you willing to sell me friendly pharmacist? Let me just sort through my STACK of prescriptions and see what I can find...

17 comments:

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  2. I feel your Homeland Security Registering pain, my friend. Sudafed is the only thing that holds off a migraine. Although, I would probably kiss the pharmacist who gave me a STACK, just so I wouldn't have to jump through the registry hoops again for a long time.

    Jason! Dude! You're everywhere, liking what you are seeing, and offering inspiration and guidance. You're a Giants Fan elsewhere. Did they disappoint you at some point in the day?

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  3. Clio: I can hook you up with all the Sudafed you'll ever need.

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  4. Clio.... valium works for my migraines! and caffeine by the gallon if there's no aura yet. I'll give Sudafed a try, since my migraines are tied to food allergies, so I also get runny nose, watery eyes, itchiness. My liver is probably unrecognizable from years of excedrin that barely eased the pain after a few dozen.
    hugs, jc

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  5. Mate (said in Aussie way with a big wack on back), I have enough a bag of meds mostly unused or only one or two pills gone. I suspect because of the strain on the (UK) health system, the GPS give you the most hefty prescription just to get you away. Almost always excessive and always too many. I just have to read the leaflet that lists all the side effects and incompatible diseases to feel better. Hope you're getting there!

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  6. JC, we could compare livers -- like old warriors with their battle scars.

    Dr. No, you are now my dealer!

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  7. Ah, how I wish the pharmacy had been willing to sell me a STACK of Sudafed, back in the day when my husband and I were both practically living on it! What bliss, not to have to make extra trips to Walmart just to get resupplied! Mind you, I'm sure that Walmart's stockholders were just as happy, since we seldom escaped with just what we came for, but since I don't build my life around what would make Walmart happy....

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  8. My liver would totally kick the shit out of jc and Clio's livers.

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  9. Yo Witch, keep your liver away from my liver. I know how you break thingies.
    kthx, jc

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  10. True irony, that.

    Hope you're feeling better!

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  11. I enjoy knowing that we can make meth in my lab if we want to. :) Of course, we don't, because we're not badasses.

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  12. Christ, I don't care how old this post is. I forgot about Sudafed. Now that they've hidden it, I always forget. I was in the drug store, thinking what did I used to take, what did I used to take ? (Repeat this phrase in the dim, watery, humming echo that is my brain with a cold). Right. Going back to the pharmacy in the morning.

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