Let’s play a game shall we? The game will be called How I Know I’m Old. I thought this game existed already. I thought I knew how old I was. I know about time. I understand, in a practical sense, how time passes and its effects. I am aware of my age. I know my birthday. I don’t remember all my birthdays that well…especially the really early ones and the ones that have occurred since I became aware of celebratory birthday substances. Nonetheless, I know my age. But I have only recently begun to realize that I am old. Old. I saw vacation pictures. Not childhood vacation pictures— those just make me feel like a grownup, not old per se, but I saw old adulthood vacation pictures. Shit. I look young. Fuck. I am fucking oooooold. This has me looking for other signs that I am old. Why? Did you read my previous post? I don’t want to be that person. I need to stay on top of this me getting old thing. I do not want to have some ridiculous mid-life crisis. Well…does a sport car always come with it? Can I just have the car part of the typical mid-life crisis?
Fuck. Sometimes new fangled computer things come up that I don’t know how to use. Typical old person occurrence. (Shit, I also used the term “new fangled”. How old person is that?) I never get mistaken for a grad student anymore. I rarely get carded. My dog is old. I look like a baby in those vacation pictures. What else is showing my age? Let’s play.
I have some books that were new and fancy when I was a student. I spent a fortune on them. Now second editions and third editions are out on some. Crap.
Well, I still love cheap beer. That’s good. But, I’ve fallen prey of enjoying old people drinks. Hard simple drinks that tasted like lighter fluid when I was young, like scotch. Damn, a scotch sounds good.
I went to pour myself a drink and realized I have old people glasses. Young people have a hodge podge of assorted beverage containers. I have like sets of glasses, some for this, some for that…old people drinking vessels. You know, like goatskins and goblets. (Sorry my scotch bottle has some kind of vague old timey dude on it)
I think I better stop now. This could get depressing. At least I’ve read the books now, right? I can order a drink with authority, I quality I find very respectable…and if you wanted a drink I probably have the right glass to put it in (as long as you don’t want a scotch, I drank it all). Crap. But you know those old vacation pictures? They were real pictures, not digital. That’s’ old. Damn.