Monday, July 13, 2009

Do You Need A Tissue?

Dude. Stop mid-life-crisising all over me. Your sticky need for validation is getting disgusting. The car, the drinks, the name dropping…it’s all a bit too blatant. Try to embrace your crisis in a way that does not assault my senses with overly colorful shirts and weak attempts to act as if your “inner cool guy” just happens to be emerging. That inner cool guy you keep spewing out is really a jerk. I fully support your right to have an identity crisis, but tone it the fuck down. Do you really intend to transform into a cliché? Am I supposed to believe that your true calling is a c.1980s style “arrogant asshole with a cool car” dude? That guy always gets screwed at the end of the movie. Please edit your mid-life crisis to conform to the “nerd embraces his nerdiness resulting in acceptance” genre. It suits you better. If you can’t do that, start carrying some baby wipes around with you because you are making us all feel slimy.

15 comments:

  1. I hate when mid-lifers do this. It's so undignified. It makes me feel very unsettled. After all that education, experience, and so-called reflection, it all comes down to being an adolescent shit? Tell this guy to man up. If he starts wearing a faux-hawke, I say you have a moral obligation to do something about it.

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  2. (laughing at Fast Times pic, description of criss guy, AND faux-hawke comment)

    Too bad you can't arrange for said person to be a high school substitute teacher for one day. That would humiliate it out of him, no?

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  3. Hopeful: Good call on the faux-hawke. As frightening as it sounds, I wouldn't be surprised...let's hope it doesn't come to that because I would HAVE to intervene (maybe I could just buy him a hat?). Oh, and if that pic makes no sense, please do the following: Buy some cheap beer, invite some friends over, watch the movie "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" and enjoy.

    Ink: That would be awesome...only the chess team would like him.

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  4. criss = crisis

    You know, I'm thinking we should *all* buy cheap beer, invite friends over, and watch Fast Times again.

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  5. Yes! It's about to rain here, perfect rainy day activity.

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  6. I'm in: I'll bring the cheetos!

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  7. Cool, now doesn't someone have a beer bong? If so, get your ass to the party.

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  8. Sounds like even the chess team would think he was a dweeb.

    Spiccoli! Dude! Netflix Q, here it comes!

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  9. By the way, I was doing herkies regularly back in the day when "Fast Times" came out.

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  10. No Shirts, No Shoes, No Dice...

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  11. Oh, and a billion thanks for choosing the Spiccoli/Mr. Hand confrontation as the official party logo. Awesome!

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  12. AWESOME! I love Spiccoli. He offered such penetrating logic. But did J.J. Leigh get on anyone else's nerves?

    In high school, I didn't really like beer, so I put Bartles and James in my beer bongs. You likey?

    I'll bring pizza to the party, along with some Blue Oyster Cult and the Fast Times Soundtrack.

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  13. Dammit, never seen the film but if there's Blue Oyster Cult I'm there. Seen them more times than I should have.

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