Sunday, December 21, 2008

Conference Dorks

Seriously. What are you doing? Have you not noticed that this conference is being held in a tropical location? Do you not hear that pleasant noise? It’s coming from the ocean, you can see it from your hotel window. Or better yet, if you walk straight out those doors of the “Main Ballroom” where Whatshisface is currently droning on about some random idea he had back in grad school, you can actually be IN the ocean in less than 20 short steps. You realize this hotel has a pool, surrounded by palm trees, with a swim-up bar? I’m sorry, perhaps you work at the University of Hawaii…jaunting off to surf after class every day, or holding office hours in your pool. But you don’t look like that’s the case. You like kinda tubby and pale, larval really- a swim would be good for you. In fact you look downright silly in your “conference outfit” with your nametag dangling around your neck 10 feet away from the beach AND a swim-up bar? Seriously, stop being a conference dork. Most of us stopped at the registration desk, got our nametag, abstract book, schedule and assorted conference crap, dumped them in our room, put on a bathing suit and fled the scene. Sure, we’ll try to hide our tan and hangovers long enough to make it through our own presentations, but that’s it. Hell, 50 bucks says even Whatshisface will be in hammock sipping pina coladas within the hour. Loosen up. You, and your fellow dork gaggle, are bringing the nerd quotient of our profession up to an embarrassingly high level. Please, at least take the nametag off and put on some sandals (without socks please).


  1. Man, I can't wait for the APA convention in 2013...

    It's in Honolulu.

    And with any luck, at the time I will attending on department funds.

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