Baby Got Back(story)

It’s always entertaining to see how folks end up here in Acadamnit land. For many, a few wrong internet turns leads them here. Arriving in an unfamiliar and threatening neighborhood they quickly roll up the windows, lock the doors, and high tail it out of here. A small few see an intriguing new neighborhood populated by familiar tweeds, bad 80’s sitcom references, good bookstores, and loads of coffee shops. A very small handful of people however appear to be searching for some very specific information, they arrive here in Acadamnit land with directions from Google in their quest for the exact location of mysterious and strange information. I imagine they are extremely disappointed upon arrival. But I also like to imagine why they felt the need to Google such things, so let’s provide a few recently dismayed Google searchers with a back story…(their search phrase is in bold).

giving head in a car
Hmmmmm. Is it different than the boat blow jobs? Horse drawn buggy suck-offs? Ox pulled wagon fellatio? Mule drawn plow mouth fucks? Do traffic signals apply? Would it be illegal to give head in a car while driving through a school zone? Shit. What about seatbelts? They are going to have to come off. Well, maybe if the seat was pushed all the way back… Maybe we should just pull over and fuck. Perhaps if I just use this internet machine for a few minutes no one will know. It’s tough being horny and Amish.

users are losers so don't use drugs mcgruff
Fucking McGruff. Does he want to arrest himself? He’s got to face facts. All he does anymore is sleep, eat, lick his own balls, and shit in the yard. Seriously, he needs to lay off the drugs. Perhaps there is a group of concerned citizens rallying together to get him the help he needs. I better check.

what would happen if i photocopy my tits?
Let’s see here…under what conditions would I want to photocopy my tits and have concerns about the consequences? This is a tough fucking question. Photocopying your tits, ass, or any body part that qualifies as “your junk” is not a behavior I would associate with serious Google inducing concern. I mean, it’s like drinking tequila shots, giving blow jobs in cars and skinny dipping. Activities one should not stop to think about, things you certainly shouldn’t ponder long enough to make your way to a computer and Google (and, under some very dire situation I cannot even imagine, if Googling occurs you should be way too fucked up to type and/or spell coreectly). You either photocopy your tits, down the shot, or drop trou, OR YOU DON’T. It’s a split second decision; some things do not and should not require Google.

nudity in dr. no
That Dr. No is one sexy blogger. I wonder if there’s any nudie pics around? Perhaps a little skin? A little tweed in all the unimportant places? Oooh, I bet Dr. No has great, uhm, sexual organs. That those body parts are, uh, really, uh, large? Huh. Would those nudie pics involve upper or lower body parts? Which parts are exposed by that tweed jacket? Wait. How long is that jacket? Would it be buttoned? Damn. Whatever it is, it’s damn sexy.