Typity, type, type. Pause. Typity, backspace, delete. Check email. Oh I know, typity, typity, ta-type type. No. Wait, yes. Backspace, fuck it. Save. Coffee. Typity, type. Maybe I should do some laundry. Maybe I just feel compelled to do laundry because I can’t stand staring at this not done paper. Fuck this not done paper. Maybe I could just eke out a few more sentences. Typity, typity, typity, ta-type, type type. Hmm. Backspace. Delete. Fuck. If I could just finish this paragraph, I could…what? What is going to happen if I finish the paragraph? Nothing. Wait. What if something fantastic were to happen? Perhaps the phone will ring…Why yes! I would love to join the National Academy! Not gonna happen. Typity, type. They’ll never call if I don’t finish this damn not done paper. Concentrate Damnit. Type, type, type, type, type. Didn’t so and so just publish a paper on this? I should read it. Right now. Whatever journal, I’m not paying 20 bucks for that just cause it’s new. I’ll check their personal website. Wow. That’s a really hideous picture. Oh, I didn’t know you went to that school. Is my picture that bad? I better check. Fuck, my webpage would look better with this fucking not done paper on it. Whatever, no more internet until this paragraph is done.Does it still count as done if you write it and then delete it. No, no it doesn’t. Type. Type. Typity. Backspace. Delete. Capslock. TYPE. WHAT? Why do I always hit that? Stupid. Typity, type. That’s a paragraph, a kinda crappy one, more like a paracraph. Whatever. I should stop now. But maybe I could force out a little more. No. Yes. Fuck. Why did I ever agree to write this? Vanity, that’s why. That’s lame of me. I hate this not done paper. Fucking writer’s block. Save. Close. Whatever.
I agreed to write a paper with all undergrads. My marbles are jumping out of my skull by the minute. jc
ReplyDeleteWow, you just transcribed my thought process this week. Kind of scary. (paracraph = ROTFL)
ReplyDeleteMy new approach will be to type as fast as I can and erase nothing, so as to generate many pages quickly. Then at least I have something to ruffle indignantly...
Best wishes to you and to your project.
I had that same thought this weekend about how my webpage would look better if the stuff I am working on were finished and posted on it...
ReplyDeleteDude. Get out of my head. You're creeping me out.
ReplyDeleteOh shit, sorry Ambivalent...you know we need to get into somebody productives head- just to borrow it for a few hours. Sounds like Anon might be in the same boat as us, but Ink sounds like she's on a writing spree and might have at least a few pages we could borrow...JC, undergrads? Nope, not enough marbles to spare. Maybe we could hit up Annie Em...
ReplyDeleteOMG, I am so glad you didn't give up the blog during your sabbatical! This is precisely how I felt when I confronted my first paper after sabbatical. The S was all research, which was pure heaven. In Paris. The writing up? See above.
ReplyDeleteSure! How many pages do you want? They all say "All work and no play make Ink a dull boy."
ReplyDeleteEeeeeeeek!
AAAahhhhh! Redrum!
ReplyDelete(I'll take 2 pages)
I think I will just print this out, tape it to my computer, and get on with my day because this is exactly what I'd be doing all day if I stayed at they keyboard.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I'm not *literally* ROTFLMAO, I *am* literarlly LOL so much that I'm also crying. I heart you, Dr. No.
ReplyDeleteHere are your two pages. Carry on, and whatever you do, don't imagine your future readers like this. And definitely not like this.
ReplyDeleteOk, that's eerie. The blog ate my second reader example.
ReplyDeleteink, HAHAHAHAHAHAH! That movie scares the shit outta me. I'm a total wuss. I was scarred as a child watching Bodysnatchers and haven't been the "same" since. jc
ReplyDeleteOh, Anon, you're right; that movie WAS scary!
ReplyDeleteBut you know what freaked my sh*t the most when I was young? The Blob...there was something about the voraciousness of that ectoplasmic monster that slithered inside my psyche and caused many sleepless nights. Gah!
Ack... too true.
ReplyDeleteAcadamnit: At least you are AT the computer trying to be productive. Me? I'm gallavanting, gardening, parenting, whatever. But not researching or writing.
ReplyDeleteOh, and speaking of scary movies, for me, it was Burnt Offerings. I saw it when I was 12 or 13 and had to sleep in the living room outside my parents bedroom for two weeks (as opposed to sleeping upstairs in my own room). Oh and the book, Amityville Horror. I told my parents they'd have to give ma quarter if they ever mentioned the book to me again.
I'm laughing so much I think I just peed a little..
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